You might be a rural Texas Peace Officer:

I posted this at TFL after my little sister gifted me with one of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a Redneck” books.

Several years later, I received one of those ‘Joke-a-Day’ spam e-mails. Out of curiosity, I opened it up, and there was this post, with nary a mention of little old me. I banged off an e-mail suggesting that it was bad policy to send plagiarized material to the author of that material. Never got a response back.

Folks, I write to make people smile. That being the case I certainly don’t mind if you forward my scribbles to your friends and family (or even your enemies, if that kind of thing floats your boat) – heck, I encourage it – but kindly mention LawDog from The Firing Line or LawDog from The High Road when you do. Or even this blog, I guess.

And please, if you catch someone claiming my stuff as his, kick him in the butt for me.


You just might be a rural Peace Officer …

If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.If you know what a ‘court gun’ is.

If you have a ‘court gun’.

If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words: “When you get off the pavement.”

If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.

If dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.

If anyone on the Department is named ‘Bubba’.

If you don’t know Bubba’s real name.

If Bubba is his real name.

If you’ve ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.

If your interview for the job involved the question: “Can you take a whuppin’?”

If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.

If you’ve ever had an ‘Officer Involved Shooting’ where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter with an appetite.

If the calibre of your sidearm is regarded as an artillery round in Europe.

You’ve ever had to mediate a dispute concerning the paternity of a litter of puppies.

If you have the impression that the Feds regard your department as being marginally more civilized than the Viking Hordes.

If you think all back-up is 30 miles away and asleep in bed.

If you’ve ever gone to an emergency wearing only your hat, pajamas, gun and boots.

If spurs are a department-issued item.


Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.


Smarter, not harder.
Ruminations on cowardice

10 thoughts on “You might be a rural Texas Peace Officer:”

  1. Defining “critter” is okay.

    I would NOT define the difference in “BBQ Gun” and “Court Gun” just yet.

    First time in a long time there have been more hits on these two terms over “What gun for my wife” on Search Engines…

    …nice for a change. 😉


  2. I like my court gun,,,,, but also like my big black momma… its a short barreled 12 guage with shells longer than the barrel, and one shot will make all the rocks in the cement of the road your standing on when you fire it jump a foot in the air for 3 miles and settle back down thus makeing the road look like an untraveled gravel road….


    PS Hey LawDog, your a dying breed, great work, excelent subjects. My friends all seem to be leaving law enforcment due to the anti-gun women in politics, and the anti-male men also in politics who are brady types, so its only leaving wierd types and sexual deviants, and criminals in law enforcment here…

  3. "What gun for my wife", this is the first time that I heard this term, and for no surprise, it means exactly what I was thinking it might mean.

  4. I can lay claim to half of these comments. When transporting inmates to Tx dept of Corrections, picket tower boss asked me how I got that many guns in the car . I told him 2 for me and 5 for my back up! I lived in 1350 sq mile county with little back up!!!

  5. Didn't invoke Momma or God but did get a confession by calling the critter's second grade teacher.

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