Tamara’s rant concerning west coast liberals invading her state is a near and dear hot button for me, but for a slightly different reason than Tams.

Ahem.

Good evening, folks.

Today I would like to rant about a particularly irritating habit I’ve noticed developing amongst the horde of carpet-bagging, mouth-breathing, bunny-hugging, veggie-gnawing, mono-synaptic, close-minded dacoits who are tip-toeing through my fair State like a horde of lobotomized, politically-correct, apron-hanging rhinocerii.

You. Yes, you. The weasel with the organic hemp clothes, the questionable hygiene, and the index finger inserted knuckle-deep in your sinus cavities.

Listen to me carefully. I’ll go slowly so that you may grok the entirety of what I am attempting to express:

‘Law and Order’ is a TV show. ‘The Practice’ is a TV show. They are written by brain-burned colleagues of yours who have about as much understanding of Law as an amoeba has of a tesseract.

And here’s the important part: The “laws” that Hollywood twists beyond all reason and sanity for the sake of drama are loosely — very loosely — based on New York laws. And California laws. Not, I say, NOT Texas law.

The next one of you invertebrates who tries to metaphorically beat me about the shoulders with a bastardized Hollywood version of a liberalized California Penal Code is going to get ridden out of the County on a rail. Covered with asphalt. And synthetic chicken feathers.

Write this down:

Texas does not have a law entitled “brandishing”. And even if we did, carrying your rifle from your pickup to your house would not violate such a dumb-bunny law.

Texas does not have any laws concerning the carry of shotguns and/or rifles. Yes, he can carry his rifle over his shoulder as he walks down the farm-to-market road. Deal with it.

Texas does not have any laws concerning ammunition. It is not against the law to have loose ammo in your vehicle. Or your pockets. Or in the change plate at church.

Texas does not register guns. Period. Suck it up.

Texas does not have the legal term “assault rifle”. It’s a rifle. It’s legal. Shut your pie hole and evolve into a spine.

Deputy Friendly will explain this to you once. Maybe twice. The third time he has to listen to your snivelling, whining, lying claptrap, he is going to turn into Deputy Irritated. This should be taken as a warning.

It should not be taken as a reason to refer to the Deputy as a “jumped up prison guard”; and I should warn you that threatening the Sheriff of a Texas County with the disfavour and/or wrath of a Mayor or a Chief of Police does usually get met with giggles.

If things were that great back whereverthehell you came from, why are you polluting my county, hmm?

We’re happy with our laws. Texas laws have worked just fine for Texas. If we wanted the California garbage they call a Penal code, we’d have moved to California. If New York is that great, I-35 is that way. Leave your daughters at the state line.

Oh, Sam Waterson nothwithstanding, Texas Law does not require a Breathalyzer to arrest someone for Public Intoxication. And yes, we know what marihuana smoke smells like. And yes, being stoned on mota, standing on a public road, trying to tell a deputy sheriff that a man doesn’t have the God-given right to carry his own damned rifle on his own damned property is pretty much a text-book definition of Public Intoxication.

Thank you for your attention.

LawDog