I’m not one…

…who’s real big on Government interference in private lives.

Matter-of-fact, more often than not, adding Government to a situation makes it worse.

The less regulation and less interference, the better off everyone will be.

However, I’m starting to think that there should be some kind of registration and training for bearing offspring. Might not be a bad idea to require a license to get pregnant. Maybe a college degree or something.

Lady calls 911 and yelps that she needs an officer to her house for an emergency RIGHT NOW, and then hangs up. Dispatcher attempts to call back result in no answer.

Officer goes flying out to the house, hoping for the best, planning for the worst; supervisor is on the way for back-up, but is some distance out.

Officer gets to house, finds the woman and her teenage daughter on the back porch.

Officer kinds of sneaks up, woman sees him, yelps that she’s glad to see him, then gestures to her daughter and announces that he Needs To Do Something.

Officer responds that this is what he is here for, but could someone, perhaps, clue him in on what, exactly, is happening?

Mama says that he needs Do Something about her daughter.

Officer ventures that he would be glad to, if only he had some more information to go on.

Mother says that daughter is throwing up, and gives the officer a Significant Look.

Officer adds Teenager plus Throwing Up and, being slightly old-fashioned, thinks it equals Pregnant. Officer gently opines that maybe an ambulance is more along the lines of what is required here.

Mama non-verbally broadcasts that the officer is an idiot of the first water, and explains that her daughter is throwing up after meals. Seeing the look of puzzlement and incomprehension cross the face of the officer, Mother irritatedly announces that her daughter has anorexia. (The “you moron” went unsaid.)

The old attic light finally clicks on, but the officer fails to see why the services of a tax-payer-funded knuckle-dragger are required to handle a non-violent medical problem, and repeats the offer of an ambulance, or maybe the number for a counselor-type-person, usually located in the Yellow Pages.

Mother angily snaps that she doesn’t need an ambulance, what she needs is for the officer to tell the teenager that if she makes herself throw up again, he will take her to jail.

*blink, blink*

This ranks as one of the most — if not the most — stupid thing I have heard in my entire 13 year law enforcement career. And that is saying something.

It is one Damned Good Thing that Your Humble Scribe was not the responding officer, because the County Attorney would be kvetching to the Sheriff about me stacking charges again.

Why is this person breeding? Can anyone tell me?

Where the hell would someone get the idea that threatening an anorexic child with jail is the best course of action? Where the hell would you get the faintest glimmer of the notion that this is a problem that needs police involvement in any way?

This … I … How the … You thought … Just …

WTF, over?

This is one that I really can’t add anything to. I mean, what can I say? There aren’t sufficient words in the English language to properly express myself.

That poor child.

Sweet Shivering Shiva.


Aw, nuts.
108 degrees and counting.

16 thoughts on “I’m not one…”

  1. ‘…Why is this person breeding? Can anyone tell me?…”

    It’s a natural instinct. Unfortunately, the instinct is strong even in individuals that have an IQ and parenting skills comparable to an oyster.

  2. My theory for years has been:
    Mandatory, reversable sterilization at onset of puberty. Reversal available when the person can pass a simple parenting test – and can afford the reversal.

  3. Well, I can see why she wanted an officer to come out. The threat of jail carries more weight when it’s someone with a badge threatening you. The question is, why does she think a severe mental illness can be cured with threats? I get the feeling you’d see a straight line if you looked at that family tree.

    I have said for years that most of society’s problems could be eliminated if people would just be careful about who they breed with. Somebody got mental illness in the family? Strange genetic illnesses that make life a living hell and then end it too soon? Don’t make babies with them!

    But people tell me that’s a Nazi concept when I say that. I’m not saying breed for blue eyes and blonde hair. And I’m not saying don’t marry and make love with someone you love. I’m just saying you can do the world, yourself, and your potential descendants a big favor by really weighing the facts before you procreate.

  4. Far be it from me to offer a medical diagnosis, but isn’t anorexia where they starve themselves? I thought bulimics did the reverse digestion thing. Of course, I’m sure as heck not a nurse.

  5. The absense of any mention of a father in the picture is also very telling.

    Flintlock Tom

  6. “Unfortunately, the instinct is strong even in individuals that have an IQ and parenting skills comparable to an oyster.”

    I’d say that the instinct is stronger among those with the largest dearth of skills and brains.

    Stupid people breed.

    A lot.

  7. Not only was it a non-emergency, but if there had been an actual emergency elsewhere, you’re wasting your time there dealing with a situation that is NOT a police matter.

    Also, IMO, I would think it would turn the teen against police had the mother gotten her way and had jail time threatened by you. Wouldn’t a thought like that stay in teenager’s mind always?

    Stupid people shouldn’t breed.

  8. We license drivers, hunters and fishermen, but any mental midget can get hot pants and make a child. Sometimes, when I look at my fellow humans, I think it’s time for another flood or firestorm or what-the-hell ever. Damn.

  9. No, it’s just time to stop protecting idiots from the consequences of idiocy and let natural selection improve the species. Remove the warning stickers from chainsaws and ladders (and do something appropriately drastic to the lawyers whose actions prompted those stickers in the first place.) Legalize driving without seatbelts and riding motorcycles without helmets. Raise the speed limits, and eliminate them entirely on rural freeways. Sell tablesaws without guards and guns without triggerlocks. Every time some fat idiot dies of a heart attack after eating a supersized Big Mac meal, give McD’s a bonus of 1% of the future Social Security payments thus saved.

  10. It’s amazing to me how people can get past 20 years old with that few brain cells.

    As for regulating procreation…nah

    Just remove the nanny state safeguards and let darwin run wild.

  11. That’s right up there with being called out because an 8-year-old is standing on the grass!



  12. Yes, sterilization, forthwith. Do not pass “Go” and do not collect $200.
    In a restaurant recently in Dallas, I wanted to brain the woman at the next table who flippantly laughed about coming home to find a raccoon on her porch that “just wouldn’t leave so I called 9-1-1.” What a jerk!

  13. What about that idget that called the cops because her burger had mustard (or something) on it that she didn’t order? She called FROM THE DRIVE THRU!

  14. Yeah. While in all seriousness I cannot condone mandatory sterilization, being an orthodox Roman Catholic, I can really sympathize with people who consider it yearningly.

    I do not feel that charity and justice require that we endlessly protect people from the consequences of bad choices.

    One of my favorite dumb 911 calls was the incense robber who, when the attendant behind the bulletproof glass refused to give him the money, called the cops on him. Honest. Then thera are any number of outraged citizens who call the cops when people steal their cocaine or marijuana. Honest.

    I knew a planetarium director who, after he sent out educational flyers and advertisements to the community about an upcoming eclipse, which included safety warnings (people are always blinding themselves by starting directly at the eclipse. Honest,) got an angry letter from a woman. It was along letter telling him what a bad guy he was. Not until the end did she make it clear what she thought he had done wrong: If an eclipse is so dangerous to the public he never should have scheduled it, and should cancel it.


    Regarding the woman with the anorexic child, it’s all to common for parents and others of deeply troubled people to get very angry and try to “fix” the problem with simple threats and abuse. Sigh.

    By the way, anorexia and bulimia are related; if I’m not mistaken, some people are considered to be afflicted with both.

    Regarding breeding, Scot Adams, who does the Dilbert cartoon, speaks of the general category of stupid people in the world–He calls them InDuhViduals–and says that he believes that since successful breeding is too complex and confusing for them, he concludes that all the breeding they do must be by accident while they are trying to do something else too dificult for them, such as jump-starting a car. He says he has made it a policy to stay out of reach of an InDuhVidial carrying jumper cables.

    LogEyed Roman

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