Oh, Judas Priest!

By way of the folks over at Lone Star Times.

I’ve got to wonder if the members of the Arlington School Board are lab experiment refugees.

Why do I say this? Well, it seems to be fairly obvious that any male member of the Arlington School Board has totally and completely forgotten what is was like when puberty hit. They have, believe it or not, decided to ban cleavage so that teenage boys will no longer be ‘distracted’.

Ye Gods and little fishies. How bloody ancient are the members of the Arlington School Board? I mean, seriously?

If you’re a male of the species, raise a paw. Now, if you remember those heady days when you first noticed that girls were delightfully different, keep those paws up.

Okay, now, did it matter what girls were wearing? In other words, were you distracted by the clothes, or what was inside of the clothes?

I thought so.

When my family finally moved to the States for good, I was already dealing with my voice wandering happily up-and-down the scale and the sudden sprouting of peach-fuzz and other associated fur that hits the male of the species on a fairly predictable basis (except, apparently for some folks in Arlington) but I hadn’t quite discovered the “Me-Boy-You-Girl-WOW!” thing until one fall afternoon at the Dairy Queen.

Dad usually took his vacation in the summer, and we spent it at the home of my mother’s parents in North Texas. There was a little blonde girl named Cherie living down the street from my grandparents who wound up being the closest thing I had to a friend in that town, and I usually spent most of my playtime every summer with her.

Fast forward to me being permanently stuck Stateside. I’m dealing with the fact that I’m going to be attending an American school, and my voice is acting stupid, and I’m not exactly sure that I’m happy about Life in General.

In my self-absorbed state, it barely registered on me that Cherie had taken to wearing big fuzzy sweaters most of the time, but — in my defense — I did notice that she smelled awfully good all of a sudden.

So, there we were in the Dairy Queen, with her telling me that I was going to like the local High School, and not to worry, I’m not convinced, I go to the counter to get refills on our drinks, turn around … and Cherie was in the middle of an epic, back-popping stretch.

About that time the Puberty Gnome sprinted out from under a table, jumped up, and fetched me a right good thump betwixt the running lights with a solid oak cluebat.

I didn’t realize until later that he took advantage of my dazed state to abscond with about 90% of my cognitive functions, including most of my fine motor control, communications skills, and powers of concentration and self-control.

Took about ten years to get them back, too. Little bastard.

Anyhoo, from that point on the default setting between my ears was jammed on “Girls.”

And it didn’t matter what they were wearing. Hell, you could’ve picked a girl — any of them — in my Algebra class, put her in a burlap burka, and I’d have at least one eye on her the entire class. And if, for whatever reason, she wound up doing any walking, I’d’ve had both eyes on her the entire class.

Those big fuzzy sweaters that Cherie wore? Hah! I had a pretty good idea of what was under those sweaters, and by God I wasn’t going to miss another glimpse — which caused me to watch for stretches and the like even more closely. Which wasn’t any good for my limited concentration, I’m here to tell you.

To this day, I still have a lingering appreciation for women in big fuzzy sweaters.

Anyhoo, Mama Nature has hard-wired the male brain for some fairly specific functions, and when she decides it’s time to crank up the testosterone in teen-age boys, the only way you are going to keep the female of the species from distracting teenage boys in school, is to have teen-age-boy-only classes, taught by male teachers.

Otherwise, they’re going to be distracted.

Come to think, I’m hitting forty and I’m still entranced by that nice little distaff hip-sway as they walk by.

But, here are the members of the Arlington School Board, utterly convinced that if they should ban the display of cleavage, teen-age boys will no longer be distracted.

*blink, blink*

What the hell planet are you folks from?


9/11 Conspiracies
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25 thoughts on “Oh, Judas Priest!”

  1. Yes cleavage and the errant girl bending down too far always drove me to distraction in school. It still does to this day. We had the additional problem of mini-mini skirts that guaranteed my semester D in algebra.

    Like you said Lawdog there is nothing girls can wear to keep boys from looking at them.

    Banning cleavage is one of the stupidest things I’ve heard in a long time.

  2. I’m not sure even boys-only classes with male teachers would prevent distraction. Then you’d just have situations like a Playboy “borrowed” from a dad or big brother wandering around the room, passed from desk to desk while the teacher isn’t looking. It’s an instinctual urge, and you can’t ban instincts.

  3. I was in a college book store a while back and noticed a lovely lass buying supplies. I realized I was getting old when I wondered what her mother looks like.

  4. Now dog I am pushing a lot more then forty and I still look, long as they are older then my twenty something daughter. Come to think of it forty something women shore look good these day, younger women you know.

    I recall we had no clevage allowed which stopped nothing, dresses were to the ankles, one derilect friend of mine came to school one day with a mirrow taped to his shoes for which when discovered being used for panty checks got him one of the better spankings in that schools history. That didn t stop anything either.

  5. Teen-aged boys have always played with honey badgers. And always will.

    Forcing Miss honey badger to wear a burka will not change the final outcome.

    (With a deeply appreciative tip of the cap to Robert Ruark and our host.)

  6. Lawdog, I think this may be the first time I’ve ever disagreed with you.

    It’s not that they’ll be undistracted. They’ll be less distracted. To answer your question, yeah, I noticed what was IN the clothes, but I noticed a WHOLE LOT MORE depending on what was hanging out of ’em.

    Where I went to high school, you could not display any midriff. I didn’t know women HAD navels until I got to college. Can you say “Culture Shock?” I knew you could. Took two whole weeks (okay… two whole years) to get used to that.

    I have to say, I support this measure wholeheartedly.

    Oh, and I’m 23.

  7. I agree with a little more covering up. If the imagination goes wild with a little encouragement, a higher neckline can only help y’all save yourselves a little anguish.

    The Dance of the Seven Veils, fellas.


  8. “I didn’t know women HAD navels until I got to college.”

    No offence, but just because you were that na├»ve doesn’t mean everyone else was or will be.

    I don’t think any male or female with MTV and internet in their room will somehow magically be less distracted because cleavage is covered during school hours. And I’m sure those that actually go out on Friday night will get to see plenty as the “have” girls attempt to make up lost time over the “have not” girls.

    Lord, a woman’s butt is distracting enough, and it’s fully clothed…

  9. How many of you that think banning cleavage is stupid have teenage daughters?

    What is sad is that a school board has to define appropriate dress, when the parents are the ones that should be saying “you’re not leaving this house looking like that.” And I guess my poor children lead deprived lives, because they don’t have MTV and Internet in their rooms.

    What is the difference between banning cleavage and banning t-shirts with a drug or alcohol message? Are the school boards that ban those also stupid?

    Publiuscicero has a point: “…I noticed what was IN the clothes, but I noticed a WHOLE LOT MORE depending on what was hanging out of ’em.”

    AISD isn’t banning boys from looking or using their imaginations. However, if there’s nothing left to the imagination, how can they use it?

  10. God provided the male of the human species with two heads, and only enough blood to fill one at a time.

  11. Well, as a Mother I have some understanding of where Flo is comin’ from {besides, I know where she lives}; all my Angel Baby Girl got sent home for wear was a Tee shirt that said “Don’t let Affection lead to Infection, Put Protection on that Erection” It was my Tee shirt and she filched it from my closet and left for school while I was in the shower.

    Since she was in the 8th grade and been invited to 3 baby showers for class mates that year, I thought it was actually pretty appropriate. And that’s what I told the Vice Principal and School Nurse when I went up to school with a different Tee shirt for her to change into. I told them my opinion in front of my daughter, because I wanted her to know that she had my support. I handed her the “replacement” Tee and when she came back after changing they weren’t overly pleased with its message, but they let it go. The new Tee said “What a Wonderful day it will be when our schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a Bake Sale to buy a Bomber”.
    Now a the Mother of a Son, the Sister of 4 brothers, and the wife to 3 husbands {not all at once} I know as sure as the sun rose this morning that is doesn’t matter a hoot in Hell what a teenage girl is wearing, some boy is going to be distracted by her mere presence. Heck, most teenage boys get aroused by walking across linoleum!!!
    I agree with Flo, Parents should teach their children, daughters AND sons how to dress appropriately for all appearances outside the home.
    But again, it doesn’t matter how anyone of any gender is dressed once those hormones are coursing.
    And this may come as a gignormous shock to you, gentlemen, but we of the gentler gender, have raginbg hormones, too. Teen girls get just as hot and bothered by teen boys wearing whatever shows off something that girl finds attractive as boys find cleavage or short skirts.
    Dress codes that ban racist messages, or messages that promote drug or alcohol use, or gang affiliation: Sure, I’m all for that. School uniforms: kinda iffy on that one, but I can see the rationale… school doesn’t become a fashion show, blurs the class/social strata division lines. But no more cleavage? no more tight jeans? no more rolled up long sleeve shirts? WHy not just put every student. male and female in a burkha?

  12. I can dig a little more modesty– I’m a 30yr old male with a 12mo old son and a lovely wife. No, it won’t stop the hormononic tendencies of males, but it may help keep the perverted teacher from exceeding his/her own boundaries.

    There are some sick puppies out there– no point in showing off your daughters’.

  13. Personally, I’d rather everyone go back to school uniforms. Everyone wears the same thing, no fashion competition, everyone looks as dorky as everyone else.

    I think one-piece jumpsuits would work out just fine.


  14. I always look at it from a programming perspective (being a programmer).

    Some things you learn – those are your ‘application programs’. Stuff like your job or how to play baseball.

    Some things get drilled into you by your upbringing. That’s your low-level stuff. Things like eating burgers and playing baseball vs. fasting during Ramadan and playing soccer.

    Some things are built in to the hardware – like noticing the opposite sex.

    You can change your ‘applications’ with various degrees of difficulty.

    You can work on your low-level stuff. It’ll still fire up but you can get to where you override it so fast you don’t even notice.

    But it’s really hard to change the hard-wired stuff. Best you can hope to do is learn to deal with it. That’s where ‘good’ low-level routines come in. If you’re brought up ‘right’ you tend to do ‘right’ (with ‘right’ being somewhat variable across cultures, of course).

    Or, to put it somewhat more simply: if you’re a male and you don’t notice an attractive female you’re either pre-pubescent, under extreme stress, or pretty much dead.

  15. “What is the difference between banning cleavage and banning t-shirts with a drug or alcohol message?”

    Other than they’re separate things that have nothing to do with showing cleavage?

    Oh well, it’s for the good of the children, and that makes anything okay.

  16. When I was in elementary school, I was in trouble most every day. Why? Because I like to wear hats. Nothing fancy. No slogans. Just baseball caps & toboggans. I spent more time in the hallways than I did in class.

    I won’t be told that I can’t wear a hat because of some stupid dress code. Anyone attempting to force a dress code on me had better have more bullets than I do.

  17. Have you noticed Dawg, what a lot of ‘girls’ wear to school or out in public? Why, a prostitute wears more clothing that is less revealing than MANY teenage girls! I don’t know how or why their parents permit this, but the ‘girls’ look more like hookers than high schoolers.

  18. Hate to tell y’all, but it’s not the state’s job to play parent. Your gripe is with the parent(s), not the school system’s dress code.

    How ’bout we actually assign the blame where it belongs, eh? Nothing like the decline of personal responsibility to spur more rules and laws…

  19. I took a moment to think about the question of, “How would I feel about this if I had a teenage daughter?” I don’t think the dress code would be an issue in that case… my daughter would not leave the house dressed like a streetwalker. I think I now have a pretty good idea of why, even once I was old enough to drive myself to school, my mother was up every morning to see me off.

    I understand the schools should try to create an environment that is conducive to learning, but they tend to take things to extremes. A ban on alcohol related graphics on shirts ends up extending to things like a “Simpsons” shirt that shows somebody in a group holding a can of “Duff”. (I am not exaggerating that… I’ve seen it happen.) There are teachers who don’t want to send a girl home and have her parents come up to the school raising a fuss if it turns out what looked like a short skirt was actually just inside the permissable length, but it’s okay to make her leave class for a trip down to the office to have the Vice Principal waste their time checking the length of said skirt. How does spending all your time watching for anything that might even hint at being unacceptable create a good learning environment?

    And while uniforms do prevent a lot of problems, I don’t think they’d help in this case. If girls in uniforms prevented distraction and arousal, the porn industry would go out of business real fast.

  20. I wrecked 3 vehicles as a teenager due to being distracted by girls. One of those was in winter and she was in a long coat.

    Why ban slutty dress at school? Lets the guys know which ones are up for fluid receptacle duty and which ones are respectable. It makes skank ID easier and thus your sorting job goes faster. You get a pretty decent view of the goods too and there are no surprises later.

  21. Speaking as a former Arlington High School student, it doesn’t suprise me. When I went to high school there ten years ago they were busily banning almost everything. Doc Martens were banned because “white supremacist gangs” supposedly wore them. They had teachers in the hallways patrolling with rulers to measure how high your shorts went. A half inch too high and you were sent home for the day. I bought my then boyfriend (now nine year spouse) an electric razor to keep in his pickup because he was always getting sent home for peach fuzz, as there was a “zero tolerance” for facial hair.

    On the other hand, harassment seemed to be alright, since nothing was ever done about it in my experience. Though, heavens forfend if my shorts ride a little high on my fat thighs.

  22. I attended a Catholic high school in New Jersey, where I had to wear a uniform that consisted of a box-pleated skirt to the knees, knee socks, a white blouse with tie, a blazer, and black/white saddle oxfords. Even this did not prevent the male of the species’ brains from dropping into their britches at that age.

  23. 1962, Sophomore Year. French Class in in high school was “in the round”, which means everybody was looking at everybody else.

    The girl who sat directly across from me was almost invariably wearing a fuzzy sweater with a “circle pin” on it, white pleated skirt and a please-forgive-me GIRDLE.

    I don’t know to this day who she was flashing White Thighs at, but if I ever see Marilee again, I’m gonna ask her about that girdle.

    As the dork in Jurassic Park said: “Life Will Find A Way”.

    44 years later, I still see those White Thighs. I have no idea if she had any cleavage to display.

    What a bunch of maroons!

  24. What’s wrong with an institution or workplace having a dress code? Say no bikinis, no tank tops, no shorts etc? Or no cleavage? Hell, why not just let the girls wear G string and pasties to class and guys speedos??? And y’all can all kiss my ass if you are trying to tell me that it doesn’t matter what a girl is wearing. If two identical twins were walking your way, one wearing a burka and one with a tight halter top and no bra and a mini-skirt, which one will you look at??? Yes, the absence of cleavage will still leave the guys distracted and imagining what’s under, but the more enticing the clothes are, the bigger the distraction (in MOST cases) And yes, I know that sometimes a fuzzy sweater can be more enticing for someone (fetish?) or a long skirt sexier than shorts, but in general, the girls dress sexy BECAUSE IT GENERATES MORE ATTENTION FROM GUYS!!!! And I see nothing wrong with a place of business or learning dictating minimum appearance standards. MAYBE cleavage is too far, but how many of you think it’d be ok for girls to just show up wearing a push up bra on top, no shirt? (no how many of you would be ok with it if she was your sister, daughter, wife or mother???)

    Besides, we got bigger problems. Thanks to Representatives of the Peace Loving Religion, we are one step away from not being able to bring toothpaste or hand lotion on a plane – the Brits are already there!!!!

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