That didn’t hurt — for long.

One of our long-term critters — part-time dope dealer, occasional thug and full-time poster child for retroactive abortions — has now become an object lesson.

Apparently, Mr. Critter developed a decidedly one-sided romantic fixation upon the teacher of one of his legion of off-spring. The object of his affections, not appreciating what a singular honour becoming Critter’s Baby’s Mama # 134 would be, nor desiring such, turned him down.

Mr. Critter seems to have missed the subtle hint contained in the phrase, “Stay the hell away from me!”, because early on the morning in question Mr. Critter decided to pay a visit to the home of said Object Of His Affections.

Finding no one home after repeatedly hammering on the door and screaming, Mr. Critter departed the premises, only to return shortly.

As he began to resume his obnoxious activities, the neighbor of the schoolteacher, a middle-aged gentleman whose wife occasionally babysits the infant daughter of the schoolteacher, walked next door to inform Mr. Critter that the schoolteacher was out of town on vacation and to kindly desist from raising Cain on her front porch.

Mr. Critter promptly whipped a large silver-coloured revolver from his waistband, struck the man across the face with the barrel, knocking the neighbor back and down to one knee. Mr. Critter then proceeded to advance on the neighbor, pointing the gun at him him and loudly screaming: “You want a piece of me, mother****er?! Huh?! You want a piece of me?! I’ll **** you up, you ho-ass mother****er! You want a piece of me?!”

Down on one knee and unable to retreat, the CHL-equipped neighbor skinned his Glock 23 and neatly whomped two .40-calibre slugs through Mr. Critter’s brisket. (The detective taking the statement said, “I guess that’d be a ‘Yes…'”)

Mr. Critter had the good manners to drop the unloaded Daisy BB pistol with which he had armed himself and expired.

The officers handed the neighbor a receipt for his Glock and told him to come down to the station and pick it up when the Grand Jury was done.

I love Texas.

Ladies and gentlemen, while the first rule of gunfights is to have a gun, there are two corollaries to that rule:
a) It should be loaded; and

b) BB guns don’t count.


The Paw of Approval

40 thoughts on “That didn’t hurt — for long.”

  1. Further proof that there is a significant segment of the population that should not be allowed to reproduce. Too bad this was a 74th-trimester abortion instead of the mattress stain the guy should have been.

  2. “I guess that’d be a ‘Yes…'”

    [Smoke shakes head] great…I’ll be giggling for days over that one…..


  3. LawDog, outstanding post, hope Kim du Toit picks it up as a Righteous Shooting #105 or so…., I have a question though. I know it’s necessary for the officers to take the weapon in question as evidence….but that leaves said individual less able to defend themselves if the critters clan wishes to discuss his demise with the gentlemen. My chief (I’m a former reserve officer for a small PD in the rural far west)used to insist that we have a back up that he could hand us in case this happened to us, partly as a statement of public confidence and partly so’s we’uns would be prepared for said possible visit from the perps clasmen….what about the citizen who can only afford the weapon the officer just ‘borrowed’? Any chance someone can make sure he’s still has the means to resist?

    Glad you’re feeling new and improved.


  4. A good argument in favor of owning more than one gun. Clear self defense, no arrest, and they still grab his gun til the Grand Jury finds him not guilty. At least in Texas they didn’t search his house for backups.

  5. *chortle* Thanks, Dog! That one made me chuckle out loud.

    Glad you’re feeling better!

  6. I like to think that, had the Object of His Affections been home, she’d have had a gun and done the same thing. He’s a fine example of why “He needed shootin'” should be a valid defense in some cases.

  7. Oh, LawDog–I’m breathless with joy. What a story. And topped off with such wit: “I guess that’s a yes.”

    Though I too am sorry they had to disarm him. I wish they could ask him to bring the gun himself to the actual court session when they discuss the case.

    Also, I’d like to see the taxpayers reimburse the neighbor for the two cartridges…

    LogEyed Roman

  8. …By the way, LawDog, may I cut and paste your writeup and submit it to the Darwin Awards? And can you refer me to a link in a news service about this? Darwin prefers confirmation.

    Loverboy with the bb pistol won’t qualify for a full Darwin Award, since he has already spawned, but they hav an “Honorable Mention” category.

    LogEyed Roman

  9. “But Critter was such a good boy – he was just misunderstood. It was murder, just murder…”
    Waiting for some neuron deficient relative to make the usual comments, thus winning the weekly award for clue avoidance.
    Bonus points for the “really poor choice of last words” category, by the way.

  10. Lawdog:

    Said neighbor is indeed happy to be living in Texas.

    Here in Minneapolis, in the Soviet Socialist State of Minnesota, the written police policy is to “arrest the gun”. No matter what the circumstance, no matter what the evidence, no matter what the witnesses, they will arrest the person present with possession of the firearm.

    Then they’ll typically confiscate any other firearms on the premises. Even if you’ve shot the bad guy as he was coming up your second-floor interior stairs armed with a knife and a shotgun screaming that he was going to kill you, if you shoot at him, you’re going to jail. Typically for a long time. And if you’re a law-abiding citizen with an income of any sort, you won’t qualify for a court-appointed attorney. You’ll need to find one, fast (if you haven’t already made SHTF plans).

    All told, keeping one’s sorry butt out of prison for a long, long time requires major investment in money and time, even if the Grand Jury ends up returning no bill of indictment.

    We’re thinking of moving.

  11. Nice Lawdog! Always glad to see a goblin take the Jesus Express.

    Too bad Texas isn’t a model for the rest of the Union. Here in upstate NY there is a similar “arrest the gun” mindset, as alluded by blackwing1, but thank God it’s not the law. We’ve had similar cases as the Critter Chronicles; in a clear cut case such as this the DA and the cops most often let the GJ make the call.

  12. Blackwing1,

    That’s Minneapolis. The City Run By Stupid People(TCRBSP).

    Most of the rest of the state is much more reasonable.

  13. The great CHL defense attorney Charles Cotton would have said, “That boy needed killin’!”

    I like poster child for retroactive abortions…gonna have to use that one (with proper credit, of course!).

    It is very sad that our fair state has to relieve said defender of his tools for a time, but seeing as this is Texas, I am sure said neighbor owns several guns, and is practiced in the fine art of using all said weapons.

  14. Oh how I was loving this story,


    Glock 23 in .40 cal? Breaks my heart.

    At least the ugly gun and pee wee load lovers have one success story in the bank.

  15. “The City Run By Stupid People(TCRBSP)”

    That’s not even CLOSE to an identifying characteristic: there’s at least one in almost every state. Most states have several.

  16. If only they would all end up that way. The neighbor had the sense to bring his gun, just in case, when he simply informed the dirt bag the lady in question was gone. That is a wise lesson many people need to learn.

    Hope he has a second Glock for a carry piece until he gets his primary back. You never know if that dirt bag didn’t have friends, or at least creditors.

  17. Typical cruddy reporting. They don’t even tell us anything about the ammo and they don’t tell us where Mr. Dead was shot. Here I am, trying to compile some good shooting data, and they don’t even mention if it was hardball or hollow point ammo!

  18. Thanks,Lawdog! It’s good to have uplifting news like this on a Monday.

    “The City Run by Stupid People (TCRBSP)”–Hmm. That could describe nearly every city in California, I believe. Perhaps too broad a brush, but all I can go by is what I read in the papers. I await clarification.

  19. Tim,

    This story is the very reason to use a Glock. It’s a tool. A black plastic and metal tool to do a job, and when the law takes it, as they must after you use it, you don’t miss it. You can get another one just like it. Now, if the hero of this tale had used a finely tuned 1911, there would have been more reason for sorrow when it was confiscated.

  20. A. I live in Texas, have a CWP, and a Glock 23 (40 cal….are you a bad shot Tim?)

    B. This is (or should be) standard police procedure after ANY shooting; it is NOT the police officer’s job to determine right/wrong, justification or anything else. It is up to the DA / Grand jury to decide. Imagine how long the cop would have his badge if then the “righteous” homeowner proceeded to kill someone else after he (the cop) left the scene.

    Ask any cop.

  21. Yes, it’s a tool; and yes, a plastic gun is better than no gun (sigh), but I just can’t bring myself to touch such an ugly firearm, even as a backup. Look good, shoot good.

    And, yes, I’d cry myself to sleep after they confiscated it. Then I’d get another one out of my safe…

  22. Why the British spelling in the story?

    Colour, Calibre, etc?

    Doesn’t sound like an American wrote it.

  23. anonymous from 11:16

    “Doesn’t sound like an American wrote it.”

    You’re somewhat correct. If you go back through the blog you’ll find out that LawDog wasn’t raised in Texas. The tale of the pit trap and the honey badger should get you started.

  24. maybe the Glock was just his carry gun (not too heavy, good for ranges of less than 25 ft). The REAL stuff is still in the house.

  25. This story brought a tear to my eye. I just love a happy ending 🙂

  26. Hey! Stop with the Glock bashing!

    Look, guys, sorry if you don’t like plastic. Sorry if the Glock’s appearance doesn’t fit your subjective sensibilities. And sorry that it’s not an American design. If a Australian has made a better mousetrap, don’t belittle his product. Let’s get American know-how back on track. The Colt 1911 was top dog for nearly a hundred years, but, well, choking on my own Amerinca bile, the Glock is better.

    A man around my own age (I’m 52) clued me in in November of 2001, when I went shopping for an additional handgun (guess why). He was a lifetime 1911 lover, but recently he had had a competitive shoot with his 16-year-old son, who used a Glock, and beat him.

    Okay; so I went to a range and took my trusty Ruger Security Six, and rented a few handguns. One or two revolvers, a couple of Colt 1911’s, and several Glocks. Now up until then, I would have sworn to you that I shoot better with revolvers than with automatics. Not any more. It’s close, but I shoot better with the Glock than with a revolver. It just fits me better than any other gun. As for the “plastic”, I have more bad news for plastic haters. The Glock is MORE DURABLE than the 1911. In independent tests, they ran over specimens of both with increasingly heavy vehicles on increasingly harder surfaces. The Colts failed first, every time. The steel bent too far for elastic recovery. The Glocks–well, the polymer could flex much further, and since the steel parts are much thinner than on the Colt, they could bend further without permanent deformation.

    Add to that that the additionaly elasticity of the Glock makes it much lighter in felt recoil than the Colt, and, again choking on my own bile, it’s a better gun than the Colt. If them’s fighting words, so be it.

    Doctor Glock has built a better mousetrap.

    The Glock is better than the Colt.

    If you don’t like that, then don’t blame it on the Glock. If you have to blame it on anyone, blame the evil Liberal legal forces that have forced Colt out of the American handgun market with specious liability suits.

    The 1911 is still a first-class handgun. It dominated the handgun scene for three generations. All over the world, soldiers who had access would buy a Colt 1911 in .45 ACP with their own money if they could, to carry instead of the 9mm their superiors foisted off on them. A near-100 year run is nothing to be ashamed of. But trying to say that the 1911 has not been superceded is like trying to say the Colt Dragoon cap-and-ball black powder revolver is still state-of-the-art. Get over it, guys.

    Respectfully if grumpily,

    LogEyed Roman

  27. Score one for the good guys!

    LogEyed Roman;
    I didn’t notice any “Glock bashing”. Did somebody strike a nerve? We’re not compensating, are we?


  28. Ugh, the poor kid!

    My Dad only used to embarrass me by wearing frayed cutoffs and no shirt to the grocery store.

    Hmmm…the teacher’s next class with the guy’s kid is going to be…awkward.

  29. one word….coooooooollllll!

    Only a critter would bring his dork to a gunfight!

  30. Good story but I’ve never heard of a revolver BB pistol, how would that work?

  31. Blackwing 1 said Here in Minneapolis, in the Soviet Socialist State of Minnesota, the written police policy is to “arrest the gun”. No matter what the circumstance, no matter what the evidence, no matter what the witnesses, they will arrest the person present with possession of the firearm.

    Try living in England, or not…

  32. Yahoo, another piece of shit off the face of this planet. pull out a bb gun when ya aint even sure the other dude is carrying concealed. dumb ass got what he deserved. to bad we did not get to see the look on his ignorant face when the 40 popped off two rounds.

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