Some years back I got a little impish and wrote some brief passages to use as signature quotes on the forums I was frequenting. Since I am, well, me, they were a wee bit … warped.
I was leafing through some old notebooks, and found some of them.
“This,” Thought the Big Bad Wolf as Little Red Riding Hood reloaded, “Is why I voted for the Democrats.”
“We go in hard and fast. Watch your fire sectors and your threat ID.” Happy slammed a full mag into his MP5, “Nail anything taller than four feet except the Queen. Dead queens can’t give us antidotes.”
Dopey looked up from his equipment check, chin quivering,“What if she won’t talk?”
“She’ll talk,” said Doc, grimly, “They always talk. Eventually.”
“FIRE!” bellowed the King, and the palace guard opened up on the Evil Fairy with full-auto AK-47s.
“That sounded like the safety on a Browning Hi-Power,” murmured the Old Witch.
“Uh-huh,” said Gretel.
There was a pause.
“I suppose the whole oven thing is out of the question, then?”
“I’ll huff and I’ll puff …woah! Nice shotgun. Umm. Look at the time! Should have been home hours ago! Wife will be frantic. Nice meeting you. Bye, bye now!”
“Plan ‘A’ is to ask the ogre to change into a mouse. I eat the evidence, no muss, no fuss, no body” said Puss-in-Boots as he screwed the silencer onto his HK Mk 23, “Plan ‘B’ gets messy.”