I am not married

A couple of Gentle Readers misunderstood a previous post and have come to the conclusion that Your Humble Scribe done got hisself hitched.

Earlier this month my name was suggested as a candidate to be appointed to fill out the remainder of an elected term.

The elected term of a Texas judge, to be specific.

Part of the appointment process involves an interview. As one might guess, you do not walk into an interview for a judicial position wearing jeans and a Brushpopper shirt.

I admit to some nerves, and while prepping the night before, I soothed myself by writing a brief piece concerning the tie and the troubles involved in tying one — part of which involved the fact that I hadn’t even bothered to wear a tie to my Baby Sisters wedding.

Confusion has, alas, ensued.

For the record: I am still single. I am not married now, nor have I ever been.

When that situation changes, you can bet that I will neither be coy, nor shy about announcing that fact at length, and with absolutely no possibility of being misunderstood.


ps: I have not traded in my badge and gun for a gavel, either. A more-qualified individual won the appointment — a circumstance which I find does not bother me in the least.


Old, old joke.

28 thoughts on “I am not married”

  1. And a sigh of relief escapes the lips of all the single women in Texas…

  2. And a sigh of relief escapes the lips of all the single women in Texas…

    And all over the rest of the county, especially in Pennsylvania. 😉

  3. Dang!

    I wuz picturin’ Lawdog, 15 years or so down the line, on his new TV show: Judge Lawdog!

    Judge Judy and co. wouldn’t have nothing on him!

    Judge Lawdog: All right, be seated. You say you’re suing for him damaging your car, Mrs?

    Whiner: Whiner! And uh….what’s with the gun? O_O

    Lawdog: It’s a court gun, haven’t you heard of a court gun?

    Whiner: I don’t like guns, period. I think they should be banned.

    Lawdog: And I think you just lost your case! Git before I show you what this court gun is for!

    It’d probably last 2 eps before being pulled.

    (Note; Tongue firmly in cheek!)

  4. but you would have looked fine on the bench in a Brushpopper shirt and Wranglers

  5. Congratulations on being nominated for the honor!

    Had a hunch it was a job interview 🙂

  6. After reading your post, I had visions of “Judge LawDog, the law west of the Pecos”.

    Perhaps another time. We do need more HONORABLE men on the Bench. And you can wear shorts and a tank top under your robes. And your Great Uncle’s pistol, too.

    As for marriage,
    I have a sister…

  7. Ulises from CA said…
    As for marriage,
    I have a sister…

    You’re gonna have to move to Mississippi for that.

  8. “And a sigh of relief escapes the lips of all the single women in Texas…”

    Single women don’t want to see LD be a magistrate in Texas?


  9. Judges wear clothing under their robes?

    Well, there goes another cherished belief.

  10. You didn’t have me thinking that. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t wear a tie even to your own wedding.

    … that reminds me, I’ve got to find my bow-tie for my brother’s wedding this summer.

  11. What brings you so many visits to your website? You have over ten thousand profile views, so it shows. You have merely a catchy title, “lawdog files” and no profile, no pictures…interesting. I am curious as to what causes this. I have only about 1600 profile views and I have been on the web since late 2005.

  12. Keep at it Lawdog eventually we will be addressing you as “Your Honor” 😉

  13. In response to Ms Eden, have you read the stories?

    Stories like that, well, they burrow into the brain and, when you’ve finished laughing, they have this inexplicable way of taking over the fingers and getting them to type something along the lines of: “You really should read this.” Well, they would if I had a blog.

    Word of mouth, via fingers.

    And he still hasn’t told us the end of the Pink Gorilla story. I can wait though. Really, I can.

  14. Ladies & Gents: that self-same sigh of relief was also uttered in the Antipodes. And Mr Dog, please please please finish the Pink Gorilla Story? I don’t know how much longer I can wait… 🙂

  15. Folks sure do seem anxious to git ya married off don’t they LD.

    Must be afraid you’re out there causing no end of mischief among the fair damsels or something.

  16. I must admit to some measure of relief that rumors of your demise…I mean marriage were greatly exagerated. Sighs of relief were also heard here in the Old Dominion.

  17. Ladies–

    Here’s a picture I took of LawDog in my very own living room. Seeing that I was readying my camera, he struck a manly pose.

    Just makes sweet love to the camera, doesn’t he?

  18. Add a sigh of relief from NC, as well. While Lawdog is single, there’s still hope for us, girls. I imagine though, once he ties the knot, it will remain forever tied.

    As for Matt G’s pic – not much of a face, but the rest ain’t too shabby.

    Lawdog on the bench would be akin to Harry from Night Court. Firm, fair and always amusing.

    Mr Dog, do you have a law degree? Here I thought you were “just” a peace officer (which is akin to being “just” a woman, IMHO).

  19. In Texas, Justices Of The Peace (J.P.’s) and municipal court judges are not required to be attorneys– they just have to know the law, and attend… 100? More? hours of classes as well as yearly updates.

    For criminal trials, the cases they hear are Class C stuff. Nothing much, you think? Heh. That’s the largest footprint of the law. Then there’s lots of civil stuff that hits you right where you live: Evictions. Protective orders. Writs of attachments. Writs of sequestrations. The Capias. Property hearings.

    They also are generally our go-to for warrants of all kinds. I’ve taken many a felony P.C. affidavit to a J.P. to sign, find P.C. on, and issue a felony warrant.

    In Texas, a JP is your nuts and bolts magistrate. A good one is a godsend. A poor one is a bane.

  20. Whew! I thought for awhile I had lost my one and only chance at happiness.

  21. Dog may not have worn a tie to his sister’s wedding, but he wore a kilt……

  22. And a sigh of relief escapes the lips of all the single women in Texas…

    Heh. LD, if I wasn’t married to my favorite geek, I’d consider moving to Texas. 😉

    Men who write with real pens are sexy. 😉

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