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My Pppprecious — they losts it! Losts it!!

49 Comments

Washington Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff rules against Judge Roy Pearson.

For those of you who may not have been keeping up with this case, Judge Pearson is the honyock who sued a dry-cleaner for $54 million dollars because they lost his pants.

Allegedly lost his pants, I should say.

Anyhoo, the case has been an absolute pot-boiling soap opera, with Judge Pearson breaking down in tears on the stand as he described his missing trews and having to leave the courtroom to compose himself after testimony. About his trousers.

You know, I’m halfway tempted to suggest that DC PD investigate these pants — because trousers capable of making a grown man weep by merely disappearing … simply must be the One True Trousers, forged by Sauron in the fires of Mount Doom.

That, or they’re addictive, demonically-possessed and/or an alien parasite.

The case got even better when Judge Pearson was forced to testify that in 2002 he had lost an earlier version of his “Ppp-rrrrecious” at the very same dry-cleaners, received a $150 check and was banned from the store by the nasssty hobbitses — excuse me, owners.

Only after begging and pleading was Judge Gollum Pearson unbarred from the store and his patronage accepted. That sure turned out to be one expensive unbarring.

The case drew outrage from bloggers nation- and world-wide and is seen by some as an indictment of an out-of-control civil justice system.

We here at The LawDog Files would like to commend Judge Judith Bartnoff for her display of simple common-sense — not only did she find for the defendants and ordered Pearson to pay their court costs, but she is also considering making him pay the attorney fees of the business.

Oh, hell yes he should pay the attorney fees.

LawDog

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Yee-HA!

49 thoughts on “My Pppprecious — they losts it! Losts it!!”

  1. Aw come on Law Dog… those pants are the ones that make his booty look REALLY slammin! Thats gotta be worth at least ten mil!

  2. And I really hope they review all this loony tune’s past decisions. If he is nuts enought to wig out over a pair of pants like that, what kind of damage has he done to other people.

  3. Mr. Dog,
    (My first response, a bit of formality seems appropriate.) Plain and simple, it’s quite silly to suggest a parallel between this judge and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Everyone knows that’s fantasy.

    However, your suggestion that the pants are somehow addictive or demonically possessed may well have basis in reality. Here in your own blog you have been known to refer to Sumdood. Could these trousers in some way be connected to his nefarious schemes? Has Sumdood infiltrated our very justice systems? Have you encountered sightings of him lately, or does he seem strangely absent…perhaps because he is walking the Halls of Justice. Mr. Dog, assure us it ain’t so!

    TGIF-S

  4. Glad to see your muse sashayed back into view.

    Our culture is spoiled rotten and people have no sense of proportion.

    This reminds me of the story of the people who flew across the Atlantic last week with sewage erupting from the plane’s toilet into the aisle. A young man was on the news, talking about how traumatised he was by the whole thing. He acted scattered and fragile, as though he’d been raped or something. I kept thinking how a mere century ago, this trip would have involved weeks of travel by ship and carriage and much peril of life. 7 hours smelling someone else’s poo is a small price to pay for cheating gravity and distance with travel by jet. They all need to just put on their big-girl panties and get over it.

    The trouser guy? He needs to pay court costs AND damages to the dry-cleaners. And he should be tattooed with a warning to others. And neuter him for good measure.

  5. I don’t know exactly what an “administrative law judge” is, or does, or why he’s think his pants are worth $800, unless the pockets are stuffed full of crack. Which might be worth looking into… The victims in this case, the Korean owners, who are apparantly ready to give up and move back to Korea are the ones who have suffered. Please tell me this yahoo is not allowed to practice law in any capacity.

  6. It’s too bad Judge Bartnoff was unable to assess Punitive damages against him. Although didn’t I understand the Dry cleaners had filed a countersuit? I’d just love it if they did and they get a hefty judgement against the “Judge”

    Mark

  8. Oh if I was ruler of the court. That judge would pay such a fine for wasting my time.

    Now off to figure out a suitable torture for him……..

  9. Administrative law judge: An administrative law judge (ALJ) in the United States is an official who presides at an administrative trial-type hearing to resolve a dispute between a government agency and someone affected by a decision of that agency. The ALJ is the initial trier of fact and decision maker. ALJs can administer oaths, take testimony, rule on questions of evidence, and make factual and legal determinations.[1] ALJ-controlled proceedings are comparable to a bench trial, and, depending upon the agencies jurisdiction, may have complex mutli-party adjudication as is the case with the the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission or simplified and less formal procedures as is the case with the Social Security Administration.

    (Credit: Wikipedia)

    Good Lord, I hope this guy doesn’t deal with IRS cases.

  10. I, for one, would like to personally thank Dog for forcing me to do a mental mock-up of The Lord of the Rings every time I think of the judicial system, be it local, state, or national level.

    That said, I wonder who Dog would play…?

    Just a thought:)

    tweaker

  11. just playing devil’s advocate here for a moment, but could there be a possibility that this case was brought to the courts in order to shine the light on previous colossally silly cases, and perhaps give real tort reform a nudge in the right direction? or, if that’s not the esteemed gollu.. I mean Judge’s intent, might not it be used for such?

  12. I have GOT to get me some of those pants.

    I suspect that L.D., had he found himself sitting on the bench in a robe, would have had no such problems, though. Heh.

  13. Matt G – LawDog would have no problems on the bench – cause you just know that he would have been wearing jeans and western boots under his robes – not $800 crack stuffed magic pants. Then again … LawDog – do you own magic pants?

    Snort! 🙂

  15. “I, for one, would like to personally thank Dog for forcing me to do a mental mock-up of The Lord of the Rings every time I think of the judicial system, be it local, state, or national level.

    That said, I wonder who Dog would play…?

    Just a thought:)”

    Of named characters in the movies, he’d be Faramir(only one to arrest and bring a suspect to trial, good temper.) Since you were talking legal system… In the books there’s also some random hobbit who brings someone to trial at the end, could possibly be a better match(hobbits being storytellers.)

  16. mattg said:
    I suspect that L.D., had he found himself sitting on the bench in a robe, would have had no such problems, though. Heh.

    valerian said:LawDog would have no problems on the bench – cause you just know that he would have been wearing jeans and western boots under his robes

    Wait a minute…didn’t I read not too long ago that LD wore a kilt in a wedding?

    He’s probably regimental under any robe (or kilt) he wears 😉

  17. Out of control civil justice system? Hardly. Quick, name the last multi-million dollar ‘trash’ lawsuit you can think of without Googling it. Was it the McDonalds coffee lawsuit? That was settled in 1994.

    The truth is that most of these ridiculous cases are resolved exactly like this one — case dismissed.

  18. Kate said: Wait a minute…didn’t I read not too long ago that LD wore a kilt in a wedding?

    He’s probably regimental under any robe (or kilt) he wears 😉

    Gob smacked! I didn’t think of that! And now I have! Help!

  19. Out of control civil justice system? Hardly. Quick, name the last multi-million dollar ‘trash’ lawsuit you can think of without Googling it.

    Kelo v. New London

  20. Thank goodness a judge finally issued a ruling that made sense.
    Case dismissed.
    Can we all go home and not have nonsense cases evee brought to court ever again, please ?

  22. garthtrekker – surely he won’t press the issue. He could lose his shirt next time.

  23. Those must have been the magical trous that gave fantastic oral whenever Hizzoner wore them.

    Frankly, he ought to pay court costs, attorney fees, and be forced to EAT a pair of britches 00 sans ketchup — for being such an idjit.

  24. Out of control civil justice system? Hardly. Quick, name the last multi-million dollar ‘trash’ lawsuit you can think of without Googling it.

    Kelo v. New London

    Kelo v. New London was a huge problem case for the Supreme Court. I still can’t believe that they interpreted emininent domain to mean public purpose and not public use. That really burns my britches! Sorry I know that was a little rabid, but that case just irks me something fierce!

  25. What gets me is that our current system allows these patently ridiculous cases to waste the court’s time and taxpayers dollars. At least the judge was endowed with some common sense, and made the appropriate ruling. Let’s hope that “hizzoner” gets to pay the attorney fees for the poor folk he tried to rip off, as well.

  26. “garthtrekker – surely he won’t press the issue. He could lose his shirt next time.”

    I don’t know– sounds as though he’s got plenty of starch in his collar. He’ll have slung more dung,’ere ‘es done. Twill be a wale of a struggle, but of cords he’ll lose in the end.

  27. One version of this current story I read had the plaintiff crying when he left court after the dismissal of his suit.

    Crying.

    A grown man- a judge, no less. Crying. Over his pants.

    This is a guy who’s supposed to be wise and mature enough to run a court of law, too.

    I’d like to see him stripped of office, disbarred, slapped, and dropped off on a desert island to survive or die for being such a @#$%&!$ girly-man.

  28. matt g – Clearly he’s ill-suited for appointment to the bench. I suspect the starch was not in his collar but in his briefs.

  29. He definitely should pay their lawyer cost, be disbarred and be forced to work for free in their dry cleaners for the next 25 years. Furthermore, he should have to kowtow to them every morning upon reporting to work, mow their lawn, clean their home and cars, do their shopping and laundry and read to them at night. When he is not performing those tasks he should be picking up trash on the side of the road wearing a bright orange vest that is emblazoned ‘I AM A COMPLETE MORON’ He should be forgiven to reproduce and in the event he already has children they should also be sterilized so that his line dies out of the world forever.

    There should be similar punishments devised for every frivolous lawsuit and any jury or judge asinine enough to award someone like this a dime.

  30. P’raps he should have his duds laundered on the banks of the Potomac, beaten clean on a rock. While he’s wearin’ ’em.

    Gerry N.

  31. I wonder if he’s been going around pantsless since those horrible dry cleaning people lost his Precious Pants. *eye roll*

  34. houstonguy: Case dismissed, right – but only after the dry cleaners spent at least $100,000 on lawyers. More if Gollum appeals. And they even have to pay a lawyer to apply for an award of legal fees – which they’re far from sure of getting, because even this case only touches the boundaries of “frivolous” as that’s defined in the law. Finally, if they are awarded the fees, there’s the problem of collecting. Gollum has lost his job as a result of notoriety from this case (good!), and I suspect is going to have trouble finding another one earning enough to even pay the interest on the legal fees, after the court allows him to keep enough to pay for a bowl of gruel a day and a room at the Y…

    That’s why the dry cleaners offered a $12,000 settlement at the start of this case. If Pearson had been either sane or smart, he’d have accepted it and laughed all the way to the bank. And that’s why even sane lawyers will file silly lawsuits – there’s such a good chance that the vict… er, defendant, will pay them off rather than spend ten times as much winning the case.

  35. As for you guys wanting to drop Gollum off on a desert isle, force him into 25 years of slave labor, etc. – shame on you for picking on the mentally ill. Surely there’s still an institution somewhere where this poor man can receive the appropriate treatment from Nurse Ratched. (Chaining the patients to the walls being so out of style…)

    Now, whoever appointed this nutcase to his position as a judge, or arranged to put him on a party electoral ticket, should be dropped off on a desert island – without landing the airplane, and without a parachute.

  36. Ill-suited, Phlemmy?

    I’m come up with “dung,’ere ‘es”, and you bring me back “Ill-suited?!?”

    What a waist. I should button you down and cuff you. ‘Course, you’d prol’ly dart (or fly) away before I could hem you in.

  37. I’ll not concede you beat the pants off me yet, Matt G. I order you to crease and desist.
    He clearly did not have a leg to stand on, and no pockets to put the money in had he won. Methinks he shoulda found someone else to pleat his case.

  38. I think this guy 54 million dollar idiot should be hung in the town square…pantsless of course.

    Anyway, I would consider it an honor and a privilege if you would add my blog “The Tygrrrr Express” http://www.blacktygrrrr.wordpress.com to your list of linked sites if you feel the quality is high.

    I came across your blog through the Rottweiler’s website, since I enjoy his writing.

    Happy summer.

    eric

  39. Phlemmy– now you’re telling me to zip it? I really should belt you one– you’ve gotten loopy. Perhaps you just need a nap.

    Your fearless lederhosen need of a tailor,
    –Matt G

  40. matt g – Nothing of the kind, indeed I don’t mind giving you a competitive wedgie.

    Mind you don’t get your knickers in a twist – you’ll put your fly out.
    You clearly spend a lot of time in high waters, and in shifting sands a belt won’t save your arse.

  41. Phlegm Fatale and Matt G:

    They’ll be here all week, folks.

    Try the veal, and be sure to tip your waitress. 😉

  42. I don’t wear high-waters; they make me look like a leotard.

    But if I’m on the run, and in a bit of a tights, I’ll go a-wadin’; I just levi my wool trous on with cuffs rolled. Classi c lam. Dig ‘er?

    Oof. I think I hurt myself with that one. S’long, John.

  43. Stop pulling my leg- I had you pegged all along. [leoTard? That’s pretty awesome! I still prefer the starched brief thing.]

    I’ll BET you hurt yourself. No doubt your posterior chaps mightily from all that flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. Perhaps it’s time we hitch up our drawers and get them out of here before LawDog suspends our comment privilege due to breech of taste.

    Smarty britches.

  44. Stop pulling my leg- I had you pegged all along. [leoTard? That’s pretty awesome! I still prefer the starched brief thing.]

    I’ll BET you hurt yourself. No doubt your posterior chaps mightily from all that flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. Perhaps it’s time we hitch up our drawers and get them out of here before LawDog suspends our comment privilege due to breech of taste.

    Smarty britches.

  46. (Dadgummed first try was lost to the ether. Too bad– it was a lot better than this one, hours later.)

    Breeches of etiquette?

    I’ll have you know that LawDog knows full well that I would never do anything that would be considered inseamly.

    Oh, sure– I used to cut up back in the day, but that was just so that I could get the smiles and knickers of other late-bloomers like myself. But I really couldn’t help it; it was in my jeans.

  47. Hasty adenim: hope you don’t find me a pantywaist, but I have to bed. ‘Jama way, whilest I slumber.

  48. Since you hit it out of the park with that last one (inseamly and adenim being of particular merit)I think I’m going to sit the remainder of this out, resting on the laurels of having contributed to the pantheon of cringe-worthy pun volleys. Well done, Matt!

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