In lieu of actually thinking …

One tends to believe that it might be a good idea to go remind the Pakistani police that Shakespeare’s play ‘The Second Part of King Henry the Sixth’* is allegory, rather than wishful thinking. Please stop beating the lawyers — some folks over here are getting ideas, and drool is damned hard to mop up.


In other news, we notice that a 25-year-old teacher, formerly working in Nebraska, apparently decided that she wanted icing on her criminal cake: not only was the boy a mere 13 years old, but he was also an illegal immigrant. And for the trifecta, it seems that the (gold) star-crossed lovers decided to flee to Mexico.

My whole, complete and entire view of that sordid little situation can be summed up quite nicely in the following conversation:

Co-Worker: “You got to admit, part of you thinks that kid is a stud.”

LawDog: “Really.”

CW: “Ya, he’s really a bit lucky.”

LD: “You’ve got a daughter in sixth grade, don’t you?”

CW: “Yeah, why?”

LD: “So, when the football coach takes her to Canada for some wild and kinky chandelier sex …”

CW: “I’d kill that mother-[deleted]!”

LD: “And you don’t see the irony there, do you?”


We are also informed that convicted murderer and flamboyant bounty-hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman is in hot water over a taped phone conversation with his son in which Mr. Chapman used racial epithets and rather unflattering language to describe the girlfriend of the son.

Welcome to a sharp, sharp lesson in the free market, Duane.

While we here at Rancho LawDog figure Duane Chapman is getting everything he deserved, we can’t help but also point out that if Mr. Chapman had chanted his end of the phone conversation over a heavy bass beat and record scratching — he’d probably wind up being nominated for a Grammy Award in the Rap Category.

The latest news story says that the son with whom Mr. Chapman was having the phone conversation sold the recording of the conversation to a tabloid for fifteen thousand US dollars. The story goes on to say that there’s “still some friction” betwixt Mr. Chapman and the son.

No! Really? Who’d’a thunk it?


In other news, it seems that the Hollywood Screenwriters Union has called a strike. The aether is ablaze with dire predictions of no new TeeVee shows until the strike is resolved.

*blink, blink*

First off, we didn’t realize that a lot of today’s programmes actually had writing. We were under the impression — from the quality, you understand — that the actors were pretty much ad-libbing the whole thing; and secondly:

No new TeeVee shows is bad news … why?


Ugh. I’m for bed. See y’all later.


* Act IV, Scene II: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”.

Troll Filter

17 thoughts on “In lieu of actually thinking …”

  1. I dunno lawdog. My best friend’s grandfather was 13 when he got his 22 year old math teacher pregnant. They’ve been married for 63 years now.

    Is it ok when it happens and the sexes are reversed? Heck no! Males are predatory, dominant and are usually single minded in their carnal motives.

  2. The downside to the writer’s strike? More “reality” teevee. GAG. I think I may make a Barnes and Noble run, before everyone else does.

  3. One show worth watching: Heroes. Interesting premise, good characters (who behave like normal human beings, actually), and well thought out cliff-hanging situations. Very well written.

    And yes, it is the only show I watch anymore.

    Semper Fi!

  4. It’s pretty bad when the only thing on t.v. that we look forward to is Japanese cooking and athetics. The translations alone are worth it.
    And by the way, hammer, women are predatory, too; and single-minded, wow! We’re just a lot more subtle about it. And, as an ex-teacher myself, I can say that formerly we were responsible enough to think of the child and the difference between right and wrong, if nothing else. With today’s wobbley moral and ethical ‘values’ I’m not so sure. However, on the other side of the coin, I have faced down a 13-year old with a knife in my classroom, and if he thought that knife made him a man, he was right; I treated him exactly as I would have treated an adult, and he deserved it-even though the principal didn’t think so. LOL!

  5. The downside to the writer’s strike? More “reality” teevee. GAG. I think I may make a Barnes and Noble run, before everyone else does.

    No, amazingly, they have “writers,” too!

  6. All may not be lost. Perhaps the shows can go on without writers!

    From metafilter via Pointing And Giggling

    CHASE: House, we need to cure this patient. He is very sick.
    HOUSE: Did you try the medicine drug?
    CHASE: I did try the medicine drug.
    HOUSE: Only stupid people try the medicine drug. You are stupid.
    PATIENT: I would rather not be sick.
    HOUSE: You are stupid too. Did you take stupid drug?
    FOREMAN: I gave patient stupid drug.
    HOUSE: You are a black man.
    FOREMAN: This vexes me.
    PATIENT: I have blood from my nose that is dripping.
    CAMERON: That’s bad!
    PATIENT: Also I was bitten by mice due to my poor hygiene.
    CUTTY: You need hygiene drug. Also, I have not spoken in awhile.
    HOUSE: No! Hygiene drug will kill Patient! He needs mouse bites to live!
    CHASE: [Shocked]
    CAMERON: [Shocked]
    FOREMAN: [Vexed]
    HOUSE: More mouse bites!
    CUTTY: I forbid this.
    HOUSE: Don’t care.
    CHASE: [Gets mice]
    HOUSE: [Makes mouse bite serum]
    PATIENT: I feel better. No more nose blood! Thank you doctor!
    HOUSE: I am very smart.
    WILSON: I, too, am in this episode.
    FOREMAN: This vexes me.


  7. I have to agree with Mattski…Heroes is a phenomenal show, and always leaves me at the edge of my seat. Otherwise, the only other show I watch is Pushing Daisies, which is refreshingly quirky, and rather hilarious.

  8. I thought I was watching the Amy Grant’s Show Three Wishes when I saw all those lawyers getting both the long and short end of the pakistani PD sticks.

  9. The writer’s strike may leave more time for “Dog, The Bounty Hunter” reruns.

  10. No Dawg, the shows would be more interesting if the actors were ad-libbing, than when they’re reciting lines that were written, re-written by committee, and checked by several committees for political correctness, inoffensiveness to every minority (except white men, rural whites, and conservatives) and just the maximum proportion of naughty words to get past the FCC and not one more.

    But they’d have to use actors who were capable of thinking up ad-libs….


  11. I am no Dog fan but I think that whole thing is terible. In my state tape recording a phone conversation between two persons without both their knowledge is a felony.

    My other issue with this is that it is my opinion that whatever words a man uses in the privacy of his home, with one if his family members is his business.

  12. Writers??

    Am I the only one who recognizes that virtually every storyline I see on TV is the same basic plot that I saw on a different show 20 years ago? The plots are just recycled from old shows, with the characters and details adjusted for the new milieu. The basic stories don’t change, and the endings are utterly predictable. A class of 9th graders could tack together a ‘script’, if you give them the basic plot. My wife hates that I know how the show will end, in the first ten minutes. I’m not psychotic…er, psychic, I just remember seeing the stories before (sometimes three or more times!).

    Recycling is not “writing”. Let them starve, and the “producers” too.


  13. maybe i’m just an old grouch but the last show i watched for any length on the goggle box was that “marines in space” thing, (can’t remember the actual title) and even that got old when they resorted to the standard hollywood cliches.

  14. Oh, and re: the grown woman with adolescent male – we should survey the LeTourneaus of the world and find out if starting earlier renders you fellers any more trainable.

  15. LawMom – We’re gonna need a bigger pot. I’ll bring the salt if you’ll bring the sage.

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