Dude, don’t bleed on the carpet.

By way of Stop The ACLU, we learn that Fred “Football Bat” Phelps and his herd of catamites is planning on picketing Camp Lejuene.

At one time I opined that radical Islamists were the:

metaphorical equivalent of a pack of Alka-Seltzer chewing chihuahuas; little turbans flying off their heads while they spew foam in their berserk barking fury.”

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that the only difference between jihadists and Fred Phelps would be the turbans.

Bug eyes? Check.

Quivering fury? Check.

Alka-Selzter foam spray? Check.

Incessant, rapid-fire, constant yapping? Check.

You know, deep inside, I do believe that Freddie wants to be martyred just about as bad as any Islamist.

I will bet you money that on January 19, Phelps won’t get so much as one hair ruffled by any active-duty Marine. I riff on the Corps, but those kids have iron discipline.

The thing is, Jacksonville is full of retired Marines and folks to whom the US Marine Corps is extremely important. Folks who might consider a stay in the pokey and a misdemeanor plea to fighting to be a fair price to pay for a chance to stomp a mudhole in a WBC cultist and walk it dry.


Well, Freddie, if you have to demonstrate, who are we to stand in your way? Try not to bleed on anything important, though.

Nothing but love.


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28 thoughts on “Dude, don’t bleed on the carpet.”

  1. I believe that’s exactly their MO.

    Try and rile someone up, then sue them, the locality for failing to protect them, yadda, yadda…

    Since it’s been failing lately (I’ve heard it had success locally, but can’t track anything down to prove that), they keep trying to raise the bar.

    But not too far, you know. (Kind of like you’ll never see the animal protesters throwing blood on Hells Angels.) Only pick on people who are restrained and civilized.

  2. Aren’t there any Hells Angels in Jacksonville? Somebody needs to notify them. 🙂

  3. Lawdog, my chihuahua is much better behaved than Phleps and Co., I would have you know!!

  4. Sadly, I doubt anyone will touch a hair on his frothy head. The days of the vigilance committees have long since trickled away.

  5. I too noble lawdog have a part of my spirit that longs to see nutbag, his nutbag polluted offspring (there’s a concept, a woman willingly had kids with him), and the equally nutbag polluted cultist posing at Christians get a right good old fashioned stoning.

    I mean, it really does want to go back to a time when getting stoned wasn’t against the law, it WAS the law. At least in this case.

    But, I am a “little Christ” which is what a real Christian is supposed to do and Christ did tell those men that the one without sin should cast the first stone…sigh. And like them, I’m not that arrogant to say I fit that bill.

    The problem these nutcases have is that to be a “Christian” you must become a “little Christ” and I really can’t see the Christ I know going to a funeral to cause more pain regardless of the reason. In fact, I believe the Christian Bible has more then a few examples of Christ going to funerals and raising the dead person to STOP the pain of thier loss.

    The ONLY time Christ even lost his temper was, guess what, with the people posing as the religious leaders of the Jews and defiling the temple with money changing and otherwise robbing the faithful.

    Fred “I’m insane as a screen door on a submarine” Phelps and company have already got the first shot of God’s true justice in that $11 Million dollar settlement. I hope people start sueing not only nutjob, his nutcase daughters but also the nutjob’s brainwashed followers that show up at these so called protests.

    These people are just as legally lible as the ring leaders after all. If you hit enough of the follers too with these kinds of judgements and get them to stick, taking all thier assests, eventually you get them somewhat at least.

    Even OJ will tell you that. He still has managed to wiggle out of his multi-million dollar judgement but they are starting to get to him. Time works against you in such things after all.

    God blesses the US each day, even though right now, it looks like we are shooting off at a bad angle from Him. I still believe most of the people we call Americans are following His lead, albiet like a pack of blind, deaf and dumb monkeys.

    After all, that is what most everyone does most of the time on this tack. It’s why the Lord had to come and die for us in the first place if you believe the story. We can’t do it ourselves.

    I always say if Mother Teresa couldn’t manage to get in on her own, what shot do I have? *8P

    Thankfully, the same because it’s not going to be on “my works” I am measured.

    Fight these nutcases fairly, as God would want you to do folks. Break their ability to cause pain, stop them from even being able to get new coverage to contaminate others minds. But pray they will finally see the true light, become REAL Christians and leave the false prophet.

    Shoot, maybe he’ll eventually become a real preacher of God’s word…after all…with God all things are possible. *wink*

    Sorry for getting a bit more “faith talking” but this is a hot button for me. Always has been. Two in fact…one my faith (Christian) is getting a black eye because of them and two, my military breathern (men and women) are having mud slung on them and not getting to shoot (or at least sling) back…tain’t right nor fair either one.

    And that do kinda offend me..sigh.

    God bless you all and the United States of America. And may the nutjobs get to see the Light of God right.

    Sure can’t beat it when you manage a glimpse…(wink)

  6. The Corps, along with the other branches of the services, is important to every one of us. Sadly, some people just don’t know it.

  7. I wanted Phelps and crew to descend upon the WWE when they did the soldier salute at Christmas in Iraq. I would have thought Phelps would have been right on that, but perhaps the WWE would have been right on him. Dang, so many missed opportunities for Phelps to be annihilated. Heck, I would have even paid for Pay Per View to see the WWE vs. Phelps!

  8. delurking to comment:
    In Toledo, Ohio, a drunk driver going the wrong way on the interstate struck a vehicle nearly head-on, killing 5 members of a family from the Baltimore area. Several protesters associated with WBC/”rev” Phelps showed up at the memorial service for this family; according to the news, it was to show Baltimore that the recent lawsuit against WBC (in which millions were awarded to a veteran’s family after his funeral was disrupted by protestors) would be avenged. They showed up at the funeral of people killed in a motor-vehicle accident, totally unconnected with ANYTHING to do with WBC; all for the publicity.

    On another note, my brother is a rider & organizer with the Patriot Guard Riders. He has participated in many “missions” at funerals for veterans in our area. Protestors didn’t show, but the PGR has brought a real sense of pride to these funerals when they attend. Good luck & God bless to any PGR folks who attend this event — your fellow Americans are very proud of youall.
    Peggy, RN in Ohio

  9. Yep, Freddie is local to me. They HATE our church (it was the one that got the local ordinance passed).

    JC got spit on (in his dress blues, no less) and didn’t so much as flinch. His hand on my arm left bruises, though.

    My late hubby (KS Hiway Patrol) once stood ‘on the riot line’ on the KS statehouse grounds between Fred and Co and the KKK. He described it as ‘feeling like a spiritual cess pool’.

  10. If the local PD fails to show up for riot duty, Fred and his a-holes will probably be a no-show.

    They know better than to show up without police protection.

  11. There are a bunch of lawyers in the Phelps family. I am sure that they are looking for a cause to sue, such as a physical response to their crap.

    What jury would give them any money, though?

  12. Speaking of a spiritual cesspool, I’ve long wished that instead of “stomping a mudhole” in Phelps & Co., someone would find an old surplus fire truck with high-pressure pumps and 2500 gallon tank and put it to judicious use at one of their protests.

    Instead of filling up the water tank at the fire hydrant, however, you’d drop the intake hose into the septic tank located behind the nearest Chronic Colo-Rectal Disease & Lactose Intolerance Research Hospital.

    Or a pig farm runoff lagoon, I ain’t picky.

    Either way, those rat-bastards would get a dose of their own medicine.

  13. as entertaining as it would be to see phelps and his goons get mauled by raging pitbulls, ultimately ‘twould be a tad more satisfying to see them destroyed by due process of law.

  14. SE NC pig farmers, of which there are plenty, would doubtless be delighted to contribute to el capitan’s plan.

    It will be interesting to see whether LD is right and retired marines and/or their neighbors turn out to mete out justice or whether they all choose to deny Phelps the attention he so desires. Either way is OK with me. I don’t think an NC jury would look too kindly on Phelps in any action he brings.

  15. Back long ago, the Corps used a term, “dungaree liberty”, to describe what the Co would have his Marines do when someone was committing a wrong against Marines.

    Maybe they should reinstitute that tradition.

  16. Pyrodancer89….I know you are right, it would be such a sweet victory to win against Phelps in a court of law…..but until then…can we dream of ironic justice?

  17. re: Max Drive,

    Max Drive said…
    Aren’t there any Hells Angels in Jacksonville? Somebody needs to notify them. 🙂

    Hells Angels? Maybe not, but there are the Patriot Gaurd Riders, of which I am a proud member.

  18. If this nation were 1/64th as evil as Phelps thinks it is, his bunch would’ve been martyrized a long time ago.

    From what I’ve seen on these here Internetz, hatred of Fred Phelps is one of the few true issues that unites both Democrat and Republican, liberal and conservative. And I’m talking about the base, the rank and file, not the wankers in Washington who won’t look up from their earmarks and steroid hearings to notice what’s going on. It’s because Fred unites us in our hatred of him that sometimes I wonder if his madness has a method, and he’s really using an out-of-the-box method in trying to unite us. From what else I’ve seen on the Internet, I’m guessing when Phelps finally dies, Westboro, KS is going to temporarily quadrouple in population at all the people protesting at his funeral.

  19. Dang it LawDog, you owe me a new cup of coffee!!

    I about choked when I read the “pack of Alka-Seltzer chewing chihuahuas” part.

  20. el capitan-

    Pig farm runoff lagoon via pumper truck’s water cannon? EEEWWWWWWWW! I WAS going to have breakfast…..

    I grew up on a farm. With pigs on it. But one of those hog-confinement lagoons is another story entirely. The only reason the EPA hasn’t declared such things Superfund Sites is that the EPA suits can’t stand to get within 1/2 mile of them…..What you are talking about is a biological WMD! Does the UN know what you are up to????? Prepare for Sanctions!

  21. You sweet innocent people, I live there, and the local redneck boys this country,even if they don’t love the Marines. Some of those boys would consider kicking Phelps ass a resume line. Mabey so mabey not, I’d love to be there. I’m in California then other far away places for awhile, or I’d at least have to dream about it.

  22. Remember the guy that was one of the first to die at Virgina Tech? The RA who tried to stop the shooter? Well, he was from Augusta, GA. The Phelps bunch wanted to come and protest.

    Well, the sheriff’s office and police department indicated that they would be looking the other way if something “unfortunate” was to happen to the Phelps bunch.

    They decided not to try to protest the funeral…

  23. Unix-jedi is correct. If you look at Phelp’s track record you will notice that he is always careful to stage his little ruckus where emotions run high and he has a good chance of a fat lawsuit.

    They showed up to picket the churches in our county seat for “loving fags.” A local gentleman was on his way to Sunday morning service with his grandson, aged about six, and passed the shrieking, placard-wielding band. The little boy immediately knew what was going on.

    “Look, Grampa!” he chirped. “A carwash!”

  24. phelps and his sorry lot are what happens when marrying close cousins becomes a family tradition.

  25. 150 dollar fine and a weekend in jails seems a pretty damn small price to pay if you asked me..:)

    Just found you blog via AD’s site. I think I’ll be a regular reader.


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