Dear Critter.

Dear Mr. Critter,

I have listened patiently to your tale of woe, your explanations as to “what really happened”, and I have heard your attempts to justify your actions three times in a row.

I still don’t believe you.

No, you have had your say. Now it is my turn.

You and your wife divorced 19 months ago. A year and a half — almost two years past — your wife stopped being your wife.

You have explained the 500-plus phone calls over the last month as concern for your children. I can understand concern.

You have explained sitting in your parked car across the street from your ex-wife’s house as loneliness for the children of whom you have lost custody. I understand loneliness.

You have explained following your ex-wife from a restaurant to her home before blocking her car in the driveway and calling the police as merely a father’s care for his children un-seat-belted in a moving vehicle. I understand care for your children.

However, I have listened to your explanations, and I have listened to your two free phone calls during the booking process and I am — by nature and by training — an observant man.

Do you realize that while you have mentioned your ex-wife multiple times — in not one single instance have you used her name?

Not only this, but you continually refer to the woman who divorced you nineteen months ago as “My Wife”.

Not “My Ex-Wife”. Not “That [deleted]”, nor even the ever-popular “That [deleted]ing [deleted]”.

No. You continually say such things as: “I followed My Wife from the eatery because …”; “They were in My Wife’s house …”; “My Wife doesn’t take care …”; “My Wife doesn’t realize …”.

She stopped being Your Wife nineteen months ago. You’ve had more than enough time for that little fact to sink in.

That unconscious possessiveness tells me all that I need to know.

The warrant you were arrested on is for felony stalking. There is a petition for an Order for Emergency Protection heading for the magistrates desk and it will be served before your release from custody — sometime tomorrow.

I suggest you use the time between now and then to contemplate, indulge in some deep-breathing exercises; you could meditate on the thousands of other fish in the sea — that sort of thing.

Of course, you might also consider reaching down, taking a firm grip on both ears and tugging until you see daylight — but that’s up to you.

Nothing but love,



16 thoughts on “Dear Critter.”

  1. Lawman, wrangler of armadillos, one hell of an American, and still you find the time to dole out the loving reintroductions to reality. You sir, are truly a Renaissance man. 😉

  2. we didn’t have that problem with my daughter’s ex sperm donor, he started beating on her, one of the neighbors dropped a dime an the troops came around to cuff and stuff him. when he came back a few days later to get his gear the escorting officer told him “no, you don’t want to go upstairs and talk to her, she and her dad are both up there with guns and she doesn’t like you very much any more”. ex boyfriend decided to relocate to another state forthwith, never to be seen in smalltown vt. again.

  3. Oh. You’ve met him.

    I mean, surely there can’t be more than one, right?


    Damn. They’re all over.

  4. Yikes! That poor woman! I hope he doesn’t harm her after he gets out!

  5. Long ago I dated a six foot tall blond chick, who had those little muscles you could see on her tummy. Who later became a police officer. The short end to that story came when, after months of the same behavior LD describes, I had to call and make plain to the police chief how close we were to entering the legal system with him as codefendant(she was using her police ID to question people about me). Yep getting stalked by anyone is scary.

  6. I’ll bet ten to one when the “wife” get’s a new man she picks another one just like him.

  7. That is scary LD, hopefully this scumbag doesn’t go further over the edge…

  8. Should have reminded the perp tat in all liklihood his EX-wife would also be getting a concealed carry permit and might not take to being accosted/assaulted by a numnut in a motor vehicle. And if he were to threaten her in anyway, shape or form, he just might achieve room temp before he wants to.

  9. Well said!
    We can only hope he thinks it through and goes away.
    My friend’s ex didn’t… he is still stalking and gets scarier every day. That piece of paper means nothing. She needs a gun – a huge one. But, she lives in MA where guns are bad. That is even scarier.

  10. THIS one needs his head examined.

    That said, I know first-hand what our “system” does to Fathers. In the hands of an abusive/manipulative woman, it’s enough to make a good man lose his mind.

    So much so, that I’m surprised we don’t see more “man shot his wife and her lawyer outside the court-house today…” stories than we do.

    This one’s the exception, not the rule…


    PS: Lest anyone fear, after years of defending myself, false arrests, you name it, I was finally exonerated and awarded sole legal custody of my kids. They’re thriving ever since, she’s as sick as she ever was. I wish her a long, miserable life, as living in the mess she makes is more punishment than anything I could ever dream up. She’s being evicted, again, as we speak…

  11. dedicated dad,
    over the years i’ve noticed that given time the universe takes care of revenge for you if you’re patient. it sounds as if your ex is learning that karma can be a b*tch and it just keeps coming.

  12. Ex-Wife of said critter should seriously consider some gun training…

  13. kelly(mom of 6),
    i’ll second that motion, some competent training, with range time and a ccw permit, but no “little gun for the little girl” but rather a gun that suits her, that she can handle effectively and big enough to convince “mr. critter” that she means business.

  14. Gunner: Nope. She learns NOTHING.

    Most people would think that having your kids taken away and given to their father might be a wake-up call, but you’d be WRONG.

    See – she was robbed. I bought off the Judge, the court-appointed forensic Psychiatrist, the CPS workers, etc. All of ’em. It was a conspiracy against her.

    I am the root cause of all of her problems, and those of her (other) kids. That they predated me is… well… part of the conspiracy.

    She’s got to live in that head — be herself for the rest of her life. Prison is nothing by comparison. I almost pity her, but not quite.


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