I can’t make this stuff up.

Tuesday, July 8th, the Dallas County Commissioners court was holding a special hearing regarding reported problems with the central collections office that handles paperwork and traffic fine payments for the Justice of the Peace courts in Dallas County.

County Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield noted that the office is losing paperwork, and metaphorically called the office a “black hole”.

County Commissioner John Wiley Price then interrupted Commissioner Mayfield with a yelped, “Excuse me!” before asserting that the office had become a “white hole”.

*blink, blink*

Wait. It gets better.

Justice of the Peace Precinct One, Place One The Honourable Thomas Jones — no webpage available — then demanded an apology from Mr. Mayfield for the use of a “racially-insensitive analogy”.


When my legions of flying monkeys complete my Quest For World Domination, one of my first acts is going to be to ensure that this kind of stupidity hurts — one way or another.

Tip of the Stetson to Gentle Reader Merlin, who was kind enough to forward me a link to this asininity.


CowTown Cop
Ohhh, that's gotta suck

42 thoughts on “I can’t make this stuff up.”

  1. I followed the link to John Wiley Price’s website where I found that “Since 1985 procurement via MWBE vendors and professionals has risen from a paltry $50,000 per annum to over $112 million through the fiscal year 2004.” There was more. I think I know where the black hole’s office is located.

  2. stupidity should hurt. it should hurt in a way that discourages breeding.

  3. When I was a teen, I was a busboy. One of the cooks, a young black woman said “Hello, Badness” to me when I came in one day. I replied “That’s the pot calling the kettle black”. The old black cook was offended, and I don’t think she believed me when I told her it was an old saying that had nothing to do with race.

  4. White hole? ROFL

    That poor fella has crossed the event horizon and doesn’t even know it.

    I’m uncertain about quantum mechanics. 🙂

    Been dying to use that line…

  5. He should be shot slowly, so it hurts more.

    Way back when OJ Simpson was touring the LA freeway system with our entire police force in tow, a ‘legal expert’ appeared on the nightly news and said, “OJ is an enigma…” He stopped, turned whiter than he already was, and stuttered, “Not that that’s a bad thing.”

  6. And did Commissioner Mayfield politely tell the complainers to pound sand, or at least get a high-school equivalent science education?

  7. Trojan poster-child John Wiley Price is part and parcel of what’s wrong with the business end of the city of Dallas. Involved in local gubmint here for better than two decades, he’s been at the center of more than a few stinks.

  8. He should be shot slowly, so it hurts more.

    So, .45 ACP then?


  9. They should have asked that he apologize for being dumber than a box of rocks.

  10. Someone should have pointed out to the moron that there are ‘white holes’, but they act in the reverse of a ‘black hole’. According to Wikipedia: “a white hole is the theoretical time reversal of a black hole. While a black hole acts as a vacuum, sucking up any matter that crosses the event horizon, a white hole acts as a source that ejects matter from its event horizon”.
    Rather like the mouth of that gentleman…

  11. I know way too many people who think the phrase “Rule of Thumb” referrs to men being allowed to beat their wives with a stick the diamter of a thumb.

    A simple perusal of the OED will show them that’s not so, but they won’t believe it.

    I think I am living in Cyril Kornbluth’s world of the Marching Morons.

    Ky Person

  12. So I suppose that our science books will be changed to have the term “astronomical event of color.”

    Lawdog, when you take over, please allow me a position as Darwin’s Fist over here. I’m about 30 miles from D.C. so I can promise you that I won’t be idle.

  13. Actually, Cameron, that designation would be to “African-American hole.”


  14. ***laughing too hard***

    ***can’t post***

    ***deep breath***

    Okay, then.

    Yaahh, affirmative action! A success to be proud of. Does anyone seriously think these two persons should really have jobs, after such a display of obvious lack of brains? Sweeping floors would obviously be a strain in linear thinking for them.

    Since the word “black” is now apparently a racist comment, I’m going to have to be careful using the word.

    Here, let me try:
    I’ll be wearing my only “suit of color” to church on Sunday.

    I no longer own those Evil “African-American” Rifles, officer.

    Use the “non-white crayon of color” to make that sign.

    I’m sorry, you’ve been “person of color-listed” for repeated no-shows. I cannot take a reservation for you.

    No, that’s just not working. I give up.

  15. As The Most Powerful Woman in the Universe, I propose we join our formidable forces for the purposes of punishing these pusillanimous pus-bags of purported political correctness.
    I have grown immensely weary of hearing the common idioms of American English characterized as “slave talk” [a comment used during this meeting according to insiders, but not reported by the media] by pandering political whores.
    Meanwhile, citizens of all colors with a scintilla of common sense, shake their heads at this type of inanity. You’re spot on correct, ‘Dawg. It should HURT, badly, to be this stoopid!

  16. Many years ago (my now 27 year old son was an infant), I was hired to supervise the second shift data entry department at an insurance company.

    After meeting everyone with whom I would be working, (a group which included men, women, blacks, whites, Asians, Pakistanis, Hindus, wet-behind-the-ears teeny-boppers, senior citizens, etc… you get the picture), I commented that we were certainly a “motley crew”.

    I was called on the carpet for it, and we had to have staff meetings and sensitivity training over the “incident”. I really have no patience for stupid people. I quit the job after only two months.

  17. I can think of a word involving “hole” but it’s neither white nor black.

    Panday, I remember the incident you reference as well.

    Apparently, we are supposed to dumb ourselves down to the level of elected officials so that they aren’t offended. Which offends me!

  18. “black hole” “White hole” you are dealing with an “A hole”. Unfortunately these are the people running government …. Jim B

  19. I once watched a program on BBC-TV where there were a couple of African woman (yes, really from AFRICA) berating an English school official for not providing their children with okra soup (a staple in some parts of Africa where okra grows easily-which it does not in England).
    He didn’t know what to say to this attack and began to assure the women that the dietary adjustment they demanded would be made if at all possible.
    I wanted to shout “Stop! You don’t know what a can of worms you’re opening!”
    Of course, my highly prejudiced and racist thought is that they were in England, in an English school, they should eat the ENGLISH food provided. Full stop.
    My kids, in Africa, in an African school ate African food and it never occurred to me to go in and make demands that they have hot dogs and hamburgers.
    But then, I’m white-mostly. We ate what there was where we were and never thought of making ridiculous demands. Missed some grand opportunities, didn’t we?
    People all over the world quite happily go by the designation of the country in which they were born or of which they are citizens.
    I am a Texan. I am not a Scots-American, a Native-American, a British-American, a Swiss-American, which covers most of my heritage. Dog was born in Malta, making him Maltese. His brother was born in Libya, making him Libyan. They don’t go all boogledy-boogledy over it and have a fit because they’re not called Maltese-American, or Libyan-American-but they could. In fact, I could have sued the American schools which they attended for not providing a teacher who spoke their native languages-those being Maltese and Arabic.
    I am white. So what? I accept that. It’s merely a matter of skin pigmentation. I am not going to be raging in court because someone called a snowstorm a ‘whiteout.’
    I wonder if that applies to Wite-Out? Can I sue them for prejudice?
    What about white light, white tones, white meat-oh, yeah, us turkeys are familiar with THAT particular phrase, but I don’t think we’ve sued or killed anyone over it yet-,or the name Whitecotton or the town of Whitewright? Gee, this opens up all manner of possibilities I never thought of before! Wow!
    Which, of course, brings us to blackouts. When will the Supreme Court hand down a decision saying that we have to pay a fine each time we use the word when the electrical system fails or we faint?
    The point being that all this selective designation is ridiculous, and even more absurd are the people who lurk, waiting for someone to use a word at which they can take offense. There are people in this country whose day is a total disappointment if they can’t find something to insult or upset them. The fact that anyone at all takes them seriously is just plain silly-and you know where that puts the legal system, the school system, city goverment, and the meddling do-gooders, don’t you?

  20. African Americans should be marching on Price’s office with pitchforks and torches for cheapening the concept of racial bigotry to such a low point.

  21. I understand that one does not use the term “black hole” at an international astrophysics meeting. The English colloquial term for a stellar singularity comes out a gross obscenity to a Russian. And the Russians do a lot of astrophysics and astronomy.

  22. just remember the uproar over the use of the word “niggardly” in reference to budgeting….

    “nuff said.

    some folks go LOOKING for reasons/excuses to be offended.

  23. There’s sensitive, and then there’s the Princess and the Pea. I think this falls in the latter category.

    Up next: “Basic black” is actually an insult to the intelligence of darker-skinned people!

  24. Oh, and the yahoos DEFENDING those two knuckleheads as being “justified” in teh comments section of the online newspaper. . .

    One guy claimed that (according to him), since all teh negative uses of teh word “black” ALL derive from colonial America and the slavery system as practiced there, OF COURSE it is expected and acceptable for two black politicians to ASSUME that any negative connotation involving the word “black” was a racial epithet of some sort.

    His specific examples:

    “Blacklist” (also “blackball”, but he didn’t seem to realize they have their origins in the same practice of voting in ancient Greece, carried forward into English gentleman’s clubs of the Age of Reason).


    “Africa, the Dark Continent” (I had always heard that was due to the prevalence of afternoon storms that can darken the sky into night in minutes).

    “Black Friday”, “Black Sunday” (There are TWO, mutually exclusive, meanings for these types of phrases — a day of mourning, dervied from teh European traditional mourning color of black, and a day of celebration for merchants, as their sales figures for the day ensure a year in the black instead of the red.)

    There IS a real racial problem here that promotes bigotry — and I’m not even talking about the anti-white bigotry displayed by these two morons and their sycophants.

    It’s the example this stupidity gives to the bedwetters who wear sheets and pointy little hoods (to cover their pointy little heads) of the KKK and their neo-Nazi white supremecist shaved ape buddies. The LAST thing those postpartum abortion candidates need is more encouragement and apparant “proof” of their claims of superiority. (You might gather I’m not horribly fond of the Übermenschen types. You might be correct — I’m convinced that they are wastes of perfectly good fertilizer.)

  25. LawDog, may I join your ranks? I’d be honored if you would appoint me Woman in Charge of Utter Destruction. I promise I’ll make Price hurt for a long, long time for his recurring stupidity.

    I even have my own steel-toed boots.

  26. Anyone notice that Mayfield actually has a resume, and Price, well, does stuff like committees?

  27. This reminds me of a possibly off-colour joke/anecdote I heard from some squaddie (actually a RAF WO1-TINS!). Upon the introduction of female personnel into the regular establishment it was felt that the standard radio call sign associated with a certain job- ‘Cockpit’- was inappropriate when that position was staffed by a woman, so the standard alternate was ordered to be used- ‘Manhole’. This is what is known as the law of unintended consequences.

    This may not actually be true.

    Like all conservatives I am loath to indulge in the name-calling that liberals resort to so freely- but tagging this incident as ‘Newspeak’ counts, I believe, as fair comment. (acknowledgements to P J O’R)


  28. Get out the duct tape. My brain is gonna splode. PC BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
    Caucasion hole.Negroid hole. The proper terminology here (for the 2 different races)


  29. Jesus wept. Do they not require a high school diploma for these positions?

    At least he wasn’t niggardly with his idiotic accusations.

  30. Law Dog, honey, John Wiley has been around since Hector was a pup, and occasionally, he does some right good stuff, so he gets reelected. This was one of his most outrageous performances, and the SS (silly Support) probably had him snickering in private. So far as I can see, he was completely successful with his red herring (who does that offend?) to derail any further discussion of the office in question. Which is the real point. But yep, I’m glad you saw this. Can JWP give a cogent definition of a black hole? I’d bet money on it.

  31. I was about to say that “A black hole and these two city councilmen both share a special quality in their density.”

    But Night Lightning Woman is correct, I think– JWP is almost certainly aware of the definition of a “Black Hole,” and knows how it was intended to be use… and still uses this as an opportunity. He is rabble-rousing. That is what he does. It is his own special “genius”– creating new unnecessary conflict.

  32. Apparently, Price is protesting the word “blackboard” and only eats “white-eyed” peas.

  33. Songwriter and undisputed genius Jonathan Coulton described professional victim tactics like this:

    You set the trap
    You lie and wait till someone trips the wire
    Then you jump out to get your feelings hurt
    And you act surprised
    “How did that get there?
    “Why does everybody hate me?”

    We’re all familiar with the tragedy of being you
    It’s hard to show you any sympathy when all you do is beg for pain
    Baby someone is crazy and it’s you

    “Someone Is Crazy” by Jonathan Coulton

  34. I have no words. That is unbelievably stupid. If there's one thing wrong with civilization it's that it allows idiots like this to not only survive but thrive. The worst part is that no matter how many idiots you get rid of there's always another one in the line. Fortunately, they do have a tendency to take themselves out, a la Darwin Awards.

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