By way of Gentle Reader Bill, we discover the latest “gee-whiz, what the [deleted] was he thinking” gadget: Stab-Proof Knives.
Now, we here at The LawDog Files kind of consider a “stab-proof knife” to be somewhat analogous to a “ride-proof bike“, a “drive-proof car”, a “swim-proof pool”, or a “swing-proof hammer”, but what the hell, we’ll take a look at it.
Colour me … unimpressed.
What really set the cat amongst the pigeons were the quotes from the designer in the articles. While a certain amount of hyperbole is expected in advertising, this goes beyond the pale.
Allow me to quote from both of the news articles listed above:
“It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can’t inflict a fatal wound,” he said. “Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.”
First off, the old boy says that you can’t just grab this knife out of a drawer and kill someone like that’s a Good Thing.
I’m here to tell you — from personal experience — the ability to grab a knife out of the kitchen drawer in your rented flat (in a gun-banning hell-hole) on the way to see who the hell is buzzing the door at three bloody o’clock in the morning can be a warm and comforting thing.
Secondly, I take exception to the statement that: “Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.” My name may not be Nobody, but I’m pretty sure I could turf someone from this mortal coil with that widget. And if I can do it, I’m willing to bet that most critters could, too.
Don’t get me wrong — if this over-engineered piece of idiocy floats your boat, by all means: outfit your entire kitchen with them.
Just don’t be part of forcing me to use them.
And I will guarantee you that somewhere in Dear Old Blighty, someone with a little bit of power and a whole bunch of ego is thinking it’d be a Damned Fine Idea to mandate these stupid knives.
Thinking that there needs to be another useless tit of a law thinly hidden behind, “It’s for the chhhhildren!” banning regular knives in favour of these knives upon pain of imprisonment and felony charges.
Pfagh. England, I knew ye when ye were great.