About six medium-sized jalapenos
1 block of cream cheese
12 thick slices of glorious bacon
1 pair exam gloves
Preheat your oven to 250 degrees Fahrenheit.
Now, put on your exam gloves. I ain’t kidding none. Trust me, you get jalapeno juice all over your crumb-snatchers, then rub your eye — or worse, go to the bathroom — and you’re going to be One Unhappy Camper.
Grab those peppers, give them a good wash and then gently cut each pepper in half length-wise.
Okay. Look at the inside of each pepper. You should see three ribs and a bunch of little white seeds. These ribs and seeds hold the majority of the oleoresin capsicum of the pepper.
“Oleoresin Capsicum” is a Latin phrase meaning — figuratively — “It burns, it burns, oh my God, it burns!””
So. Very Carefully cut each rib away from the wall of the pepper and discard, then scoop out the seeds. Also discard.
Fill each pepper half with cream cheese, then grab a strip of bacon, genuflect in the direction of Ohio, and proceed to completely wrap each pepper half. We’re talking mummify that dude.
That should give you about twelve bacon-wrapped, cream-cheese-stuffed pepper halves.
Put ’em on a baking sheet and bung into the oven until your bacon hits your desired stage of crispy.
Voila! Snack food.