By way of Peter over at Bayou Renaissance Man we discover Roman-X Mechanized Chariot Racing.

Oh, sweet zombie Jeebus, do I want.

*ring, ring*

“Bugscuffle County Sheriff’s Office.”

“Yes, is the Sheriff in?”


“Sheriff, this is Major Payne of the Texas Dept of Public Safety down here in Abilene, and I’d like to report one of your deputies passing one of my troopers on I-20.”

Deep sigh. “How fast was he going?”

“‘Bout fifty MPH, Sheriff. In a chariot.”

“Hell, what are you boys griping about, that’s under the speed … do what?”

“Yes, sir. We’re pretty sure he’s one of yours, because he’s got a Bugscuffle County Sheriff’s Office badge welded to his centurion’s helmet.”

Long silence.

“We thought the battery-powered strobes were a nice touch, Sheriff.”

More silence.

“Got a bit of a problem with the inmate tied to the front of the thing, though.”

Yet more silence.


“Tell LawDog to get his butt back here.”

“I don’t recall mentioning …”

“You didn’t. Butt. Here. Now.”

*happy sigh*


Requiscat in Pacem
Burkhas in a bunch in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

37 thoughts on “DO WANT!”

  1. OMG! Just, … OMG!

    I'm speechless!

    *searches floor for jaw – I think it went under the cabinet*

  2. Tears! Yes, I actually laughed so hard I cried!

    I'm so glad I know better than to drink something while reading LawDog 😉

  3. Looks like a front wheel drive unit, so we can assume that strapping the inmate up there gives you some extra traction?

  4. Holy Mother of Mercy.

    What has been invented, can never be uninvented. Sooner or later, this is going to hit the six o'clock news.
    Possibly under the title, "Awesome new way to interrogate suspects."
    By the way, if the cap badge has a screw post/nut attachment, well, wouldn't that be easier than trying to weld it to the helmet?

  5. I can just imagine you pulling along side a speeder, slowly turning your Centurion-helmeted head, complete with mirrored sunglasses to indicate they should pull over.


  6. OK, I want one. We can actually have a league, I know I can get all the riders we want down here in Miami. We already drive like it is the climatic scene in Ben Hur sans the feathery helmets and the open top.

  7. OMG – don't show this to the Marine!Goth. He already races his FILs riding mower against his BiLs when he's there on leave.

    That's crazy, but cool. I just want a guy in the leather strap toga afair LOL

  8. Is the chariot a duelly…able to carry more weight….two perps?


    see Ya

  9. The mental images I get as I try to cross LawDog in a helmet, Charlton Heston, strobe lights and more, all at once…well, "sensory overload" doesn't come close.

    I'm trying to think of a which chapter you'll put it into in that book you owe us.

  10. I want one, too. And can I get it in time for the next BlownStar blodgemeet?

  11. LawDog, (if I may be so bold, or should it be Deputy Law Dog…gonna resist the temptation there, I might have to travel thru your County someday)

    I am newly aware of your blog, but have read most all of your past blogs.

    You never cease to amaze me.


    La Migra

  12. Awwwww hell, I still know a couple of Abilene cops, even though I haven't lived there in years – if you get stopped just let us know & we'll get you out before they call the boss…

  13. Oh yes.

    I think we should take up a collection to by The Town of Bugscuffle one.

    I can see Lawdog climbing on now, stating loudly, "Way less Lame than the damn Segway."

  14. YESSS!

    I always knew it was going to come to something like this when all those guys from shop and auto mechanics in high school were forced to take history classes.


  15. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I just watched Obama's SOTU address and desperately needed something to make me laugh.
    Paul in Texas

  16. I can just imagine you pulling along side a speeder, slowly turning your Centurion-helmeted head, complete with mirrored sunglasses to indicate they should pull over.

    Ben Hur + Boss Godfrey + Dirty Harry?

    In a chariot?

    That would be sheer awesomeness. Heck, I wouldn't even mind being pulled over…

  17. 50 mph? I think a Subaru NSX motor would easily fit in the power cart. Power to weight ratio should make triple digit speeds readily available to the driver, er I mean centurion.
    Max Gain in the Heart of Georgia.

  18. I like!

    However, when I look at the helmet link, I do have to be picky and point out that 'high carbon mild steel' is a contradiction in terms.

    And carbon content has not a damn thing to do with being able to polish it.

    Yeah, I'm picky.

  19. I think the real question is: If your chariot capsizes and you leave a carbon-head-print in the ground will the helmet do anything to protect your noggin?

  20. It does look like fun, don't it?

    Let's see, in CO, if you limit yourself to 3 wheels, the thing is licenseable as a motorcycle, and thus can be driven in the HOV lane.

    If I build the "horse" part as a single wheel, say just the rear wheel of a real motorcycle, maybe with a horse-like shell over it…..

  21. I can see it now:

    Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
    Darlington Chariot Race Quarter Finals!

    Octavius Earnhardt vs Secundus Busch
    Tertius Bodine vs Quintus Busch
    Septus Gordon vs Sixtus Ragan
    Brutus Gordon vs Marcus Waltrip

    And don't miss the finals in Bristol!!

  22. Anyone have the contact info for Top Gear? Clarkson and crew need to know about this…

  23. Yeah know if you run out of run for suspects, you could duct tape skate boards to them and drag them along behind you.
    "Sir you have..AHHAHAHAHAHAHHA..the right to…UHHhhhahhuuuuuuuuuuuu….remain…..Ieeieieiiiieie….silent…Oooooooooooooo…Wait till he calms down and stops screaming.

  24. Hot coffee is hard on the nasal tissues… I might prefer my chariot power to be a little more four legged and organic, but how cool is this!

  25. Love it!

    Grayson, my mental filter saw "By the way, if the cap … has a … nut attachment…" and responded with besides the chinstrap?

  26. No matter how many times I read this story, I laugh like hell, every time. I wouldn’t’ve gotten a chariot… but there were more than a few inmates I transported that I only WISH I could have bowspritted on my Pirate Crown Vic…

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