In news from Afghanistan, seems that the Brits identified a high-value target — in this case a Taleban warlord.
Local British Command rounded up a Gurkha patrol, gave them the intel and mentioned that they really needed positive ID once the Gurks caught up with him.
Well, catch up they did, with the result that said warlord became intimately acquainted with the Gurkhas “Air In, Blood Out” diplomatic skills.
Things got a little too warmish for the Gurkhas to retrieve the body — positive ID and all that — so when the patrol returned to base and the CO asked if they were sure they got the bastard …
… A Gurkha pulled the warlord’s head out of a backpack.
The end of the tale should read: “The Gurkha patrol was issued one case of gin, and three days leave.”
Unfortunately, we have discovered that the British Army has deemed this as being “culturally insensitive” and is in the process of disciplining the Gurkha who did the whacking and the carrying.
You have …
Of all the …
Are you sodding …
Words can not …
IT’S WAR, YOU SODDING NUMPTIES, NOT A DAMNED GAME OF CONKERS!
“… it offends the Muslim tradition of burying the dead with all body parts, attached or unattached”.
Bushwa. How many body parts do you think they recover after a suicide bombing?
And I can sure tell that they’re all sensitive about traumatic head removal, seeing as how they pretty much lead the world in beheadings, televised and otherwise.
Tell you jackanapes what: you stop cutting the heads off of police officers, engineers, headmasters, nuns, soldiers, journalists, Christians, women, geologists, and anyone else who trips your “We’re Offended” trigger, and we’ll stop cutting the heads off of your bloody-handed buddies.
Seeing as how said body part is still in inventory — so to speak — sounds like an amiable solution to this stinker is to grab some good paper, write a nice little note explaining how you’re sorry that the grieving kin got stuck with a terrorist dirt-bag as a relative, nail it to the forehead with a sixty-penny nail, and have Wee Jock hammer-throw it over the Hesco for the dearly bereaved to collect come sun-up.
See? That’s diplomacy, that is.
While we’re being all culturally-sensitive here, part of the Gurkhas culture involves lopping (significant) bits off of designated Bad Guys with bloody huge knives. Isn’t it a bit “culturally insensitive” to chastise one who is, after all, just expressing his culture?
The allies are blowing quantities of Taleban into mincemeat with assorted artillery rounds, bombs, mortar shells, bombs, rockets, bombs, missiles, and bombs — you damned well can’t tell me that all the sticky bits are getting recovered after Abdul the Moderately Rabid catches a 500-pound GBU amidships — so why are you getting all wrapped around the axle because one or more Gurkhas did the needful with a knife instead of high-explosive?
There is not one single, gods-be-damned thing “culturally sensitive” about war. It’s war. It’s killing the other guy, and breaking his stuff, in job lots, until his side gives up.
Period. Full stop.
The Afghanis know this. Britain used to know this, and they’d better jolly well remember it.