Spam-bot fail

Apparently there’s a personal injury attorney in Tampa, Florida (who may or may not be named “Simon”) who has retained a spam-bot for the purposes of spamming the comments of blogs.

Found some of that spam in several comments here, point-of-fact.

Now, I’m not a big fan of defence attorneys, because over the past couple of decades they’re usually hinting broadly to twelve complete strangers that I’m a liar, incompetent, a lair, crooked, a lair, racist, a liar, poorly educated, a liar, misogynistic, a liar, sadistic and that I lie through my teeth.

On several occasions they weren’t hinting, and on at least one really memorable moment the tile-crawler hit most of the points above.

All the while knowing that not only was I not any of the above, but knowing for a fact that his client was guilty as hell.

Like I say — not a big fan.

However, our Republic needs defence attorneys for our system to work. And — truth be told — when they are maligning me to a jury and insulting me to my face on the witness stand, they’re just doing a necessary job; it’s not personal (most of the time); and (most of them) don’t really believe that I would violate my oath.

So, I will needle them on this blog, I will write elaborate comparisons to sharks and other creatures, but I do not indulge in elaborate fantasies involving a defence attorney, a dark alley, a wombat, a sack, and a jar of grease.

Personal injury attorneys, on the other paw …

… They’re the lawyers in “Lawyer-proof triggers”.

They’re the reason that my cup of coffee says, “WARNING: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT”.

The label on a go-kart that says, “CAUTION: THIS PRODUCT MOVES WHEN IN USE”? Personal-injury lawyers.

Neutered chemistry sets? Wimpy slides on playgrounds? “No Swimming” signs at the local watering hole? High dive platforms removed from the YMCA pool? Ban on rat-busting at the city dump? Proof-against-everyone-except-children pill bottle lids?

Thank a personal-injury lawyer — or the fear of one — for all of the above.

That feeling that the entire world wants to wrap you in bubble-wrap and only let you have stuff made from Nerf? Personal-injury lawyers.

Near as I can tell, personal-injury lawyers are primarily responsible for sky-high insurance rates, increasingly louder screams for tort-reform and the entire State of California.

“The officer used a blackjack against my client. If he had used an ASP, there wouldn’t be any need to sue.”

“The officer used an ASP baton against my client. If he had used OC spray, there wouldn’t be any need to sue.”

The officer used OC spray against my client. If he had used a TASER , there wouldn’t be any need to sue.”

“The officer TASER’d my client. We’re suing!”

Sweet haploid Judas on a crutch!

I’d like to put into print some of my fantasies involving personal-injury attorneys, particularly the one that makes the police psychologist back slowly out of the room … but someone named “Simon” in Tampa, Florida would probably sue me.


Spam-bot fail! Get off my blog!


Something Tookish woke up inside him ...

17 thoughts on “Spam-bot fail”

  1. It's worth pointing out that John Edwards, who but for the National Enquirer might at this moment be our President, was a personal injury lawyer before going into politics.

  2. Did Edwards ever work an honest job?

    LD, I agree, I am SO tired of these cretins – when we still had the TV hooked up, it seemed every other local commercial was some kind of bottom-feeding 'personal injury' ad …………………… Now, that all said, were I to find myself in a position where I could 'hit the lottery' via lawsuit, against some mega-corporation, would I do it? In a New York MINUTE!! 😉

    Semper Fi'

  3. Sounds like one of Sumdude's eeviil minions. Any new Sumdude sightings?

  4. Just as a minor nitpick, Jesus was the haploid one. Judas, coming to the world in more or less the normal way, would presumably have the standard issue two sets of chromosomes, even they did code for dickholery.

    Now if you could just get me a range so I can point this trebuchet of syphillitic weasels at the lawyers, I'll– hmm?

    Hmm. I suppose that is rather adding like to like.

  5. As bad as personal injury lawyers are, the juries that make the awards are worse.. The attitude that "let's give the plaintiff lots of money because the insurance company is paying for it, not us" leads the major stupidity…

    word ver: farno – you can't throw a personal injury lawyer farno off the pier…

  6. One could view a lawyer as a tool. However you take that, it works. Whether a tool is good or bad depends upon its user, not the tool itself.

    However, none of the tools in my garage or rifle rack have TV spots urging people to hire them to get the "cash they deserve."

  7. Problem ain't the lawyers.

    They will do anything a judge will let them get away with.

    The problem is entirely with judges. They have the ability to throw ANY case out, and give the defendant permission to sue the plaintiff, and even the plaintiff's attorney in frivolous suits. They do not exercise this option often enough.

  8. I almost found myself with a need for one of those cretins a couple years ago after a particularly bad auto accident (which was not my fault). However, the responsible party's insurance company, aside from taking their sweet time to settle, did right by me. Thankfully. So I not only was treated fairly, I was also not forced to share my settlement with a scheming lawyer.

  9. Well, In '05 and '09 I bought new vehicles. In both cases, within 3 months of purchase, each was involved in collisions, neither of which was my fault. Just the word Attorney cause major queasiness at both insurance companies to the point that my vehicles were quickly fixed at the dealer of my choice with genuine manufacturer parts and a rental car to boot! let us pray that my newest car, bought last Monday does NOT suffer a similar fate. If so, I may go back to walking.

  10. I can't tell you how many commercials and advertisements I see for those opportunistic cretins. Wish people would learn to apply common sense to situations and put those slime out of business.

  11. I recall the shivers of delight and glee among certain groups when the lady federal judge (former nurse) in South Texas ate (metaphorically speaking) one of the asbestos claims lawyers. Not only was his science bad and his "expert witness" a fraud, but then he tried to destroy evidence and disobeyed federal marshals. He got to explain to his partners why he was back at the office, in cuffs, asking for the evidence. No more shaky asbestos cases in Texas after that.


  12. As a defense lawyer, I don't see a lot of crooked or dishonest cops, but I do see a fair number of situations where they let their enthusiasm for making the case go too far. Somebody has to stand up and put some back pressure on that or it gets out of hand.

    For example, a couple years ago I had a client who was doing some illicit indoor gardening. Had a falling out with his girlfriend and she called the cops and reported him, so a couple of them go out for a "knock and talk."

    "You doing anything illegal here?"
    "Can we come in and check?"
    "No, go away."
    "OK, we're getting a warrant. Stay out here until we do."

    For the next two hours he's forced to stand out in his front yard, in the cold rain, without a jacket, while they try to round up a warrant. Finally he gives up and signs a permission to search, and they find his plants.

    Now, I've known and respected these guys for a long time, and I still think they're good cops. In this case, though, I thought (and convinced the judge) that they pushed their authority too far. If I hadn't made an issue of it, who would have?

    I don't do personal injury work, but from what I hear it's always the insurance company and not the plaintiff who wants a jury trial. They obviously think they do better with juries than with judges alone.

  13. Favorite warning label "Do not use in bathrooms or anywhere water might be present! SHOCK HAZARD!" It was the tag on an electric heater, advertised and sold for the express purpose of heating one's bathroom.


  14. The warning labels on everything just pisses me off. I especially dislike all the stuff that Ruger puts on their guns. I expect some day to read:

    "Warning- For your safety, please do not remove the firearm from the factory carton".

    What they should put on it:

    "Is Gun, Is Dangerous!"

  15. All civilized societies pay lot of emphasis on the rule of law. The developed countries are quite proud of their strict enforcement of law while the poor nations are often ashamed that they can't make their society law compliant.

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