Letter to a victim.

Dear Ms.

I am the officer you spoke to today, when you attempted to visit your husband in the Toadstomp County Jail.

I’d like to take this opportunity to explain myself further, and hope to clear up some things you appear to have some misconceptions about.

First, when it comes to the inmates under my care, custody and control, my word is law. Now, I am neither arbitrary nor capricious, when I make a decision about one of my inmates — in this instance, whether he gets a visit or not — there are valid, articulatable reasons why I make my decision.

Which brings us to the second point: Your husband is here because he got caught with his hands wrapped around your throat and his thumbs on your windpipe by a fairly grouchy city officer. The fact that your Pookie was doing so in violation of an Emergency Protective Order signed by a judge to protect you was pretty much just icing on the cake.

I do realize that you are not going to press charges — your husband’s multi-state record of domestic violence arrests with no records of prosecution tell me that you probably have the fine print on the Affidavit of Non-Prosecution form memorized.

How-some-never, your Snookums now has yet another Emergency Protective Order against him on your behalf. That, coupled with the bruises showing quite clearly above the turtle-neck you’re wearing in July in Texas is more than enough to convince me that allowing you to visit him in my facility is not in anyone’s best interest, much less your own.

Yes, I figure you love him. The fact that you spent thirty minutes attempting to negotiate with me, bargain, plea, cajole, argue and debate your way into changing my mind about your visit tells me that you feel something for him. I also understand that the Emergency Protective Order states that he is only forbidden from communicating with you in a “threatening or harassing manner”, and that he’s nothing but roses and kittens on the visitation phone. And I do understand that you do not want, need or appreciate my protection —

— Tough.

I would, however, like to confess to a lie.

At the end of your harangue, when you asked me if I had a shred of human decency or compassion, I told you that I did. I further explained that it was at home, in a jar, in my armoire.

Well, actually I fibbed when I told you that. I told a bit of a lie.

I don’t have an armoire.

Nothing but love,


Meditations on gun control
This is my surprised face.

24 thoughts on “Letter to a victim.”

  1. After how many times should the Affadavit of Non-Prosecution just be read as an Affadavit of Let Him Kill Me?

    Seriously, there's a limit to how often people should be saved from the consequences of their own stupidity.

  2. A history of spousal abuse in multiple states? *facepalm* I vote hang the son of a bitch and get it over with.

  3. The cynic in me says "let him at her" and when he finally kills her the state can finish the job.
    The human in me says that you did the right thing…although she will never believe you!

  4. "A history of spousal abuse in multiple states? *facepalm* I vote hang the son of a bitch and get it over with."

    Nah, just let that slip to the 'right' crusty critter in the care of the 'Dog… I'm sure there's one or two in any given county lockup, let alone a major state facility.

  5. How many tombstones read, "But I love him and I know he doesn't mean it"? *sigh* Well done, Mr. Dog, sir.


  6. The worst part perhaps? That even if she never ever saw him again, she'd just go out hand shack up with some other one just like him…..

    I just hope she doesn't have any kids….

  7. Some 20 years ago I got a call from my then-girlfriend saying that a woman she knew wanted to get out of her house. I knew her husband in high school, he was a nutcase then and hadn't improved with age. He hit her, threw hot coffee on her, and used to like to "watch" her "with" his friends. I went to her place (and this being NYC my only weapon was a sweat-sock with a couple rolls of pennies in it), packed up her stuff, and moved her in with my girlfriend. She stayed there a couple days, then moved back in with hubby. I ran into her a few years later at the supermarket, she was pregnant.

  8. You gave her some time away from him to ponder this situation, which is great.

    Even though I'm not optimistic about what she'll do with that opportunity, she has it.

  9. Texas law must be very different. In LA and GA (where I have been a Deputy Sheriff) if a peace officer observes a crime against a person, there is no requirement for the victim to press charges, testify, or anything else. Said critter goes to jail. If the officer observed a battery and a violation of a restraining order, how does she get a say?

  10. I have a friend who has just left her emotionally- and now physically-abusive husband, for about the fifth time. He wasn't physically abusive before she left the last time. It saddens me but does not surprise me that he's graduated to physical abuse. She has a TRO against him now, and hopes to have that made permanent this week.

    She's adamant that she's not going back this time.

    She was last time.

    I hope this time, she sticks to her guns.

    I'm also more than a little worried about her, given that I remember a long-ago post of yours about how effective a piece of paper is at stopping a bullet.

    Good for you, for protecting that woman from herself.

  11. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Seems like there's enough evidence to get Ms. held for a psych exam.

  12. Shrug.

    Until she says no, this is still consensual. No one has any business getting between them, any more than interfering with a Sadist and a Masochist enjoying their play.

    You can't fix stupid through laws.

    Yea, he gets tagged for violating an order … but unless the "victim" asked for protection, what business is it of the judge's?

    Yes, she might get killed by this nutter. But it is her choice. If she cried assault or rape, and dialed 911, and asked expressly for help, people would be stumbling all over themselves to put this wife beater down.

  13. I supposed she dialed 911 after getting beat up, and changed her mind afterwards?

    If so, then mookie gets to go to jail, simply to preserve order.

  14. Any bets on when SHE ends up laying on the slab? I'd say <6 months… if he came THAT close last time…

  15. I'd say let the vermin trip over some barbwire. The nice type….you know..the type that's razor blades.


  16. Your decency is appreciated by those of us civilized people that recognize it. Unfortunately, she'll return to him and probably be dead in a year. Keep us posted.

  17. The gene pool could use some chlorine.

    You're a decent man, he ain't. She's stupid.

    Ulises in CA

  18. In 22 years of working uniform patrol, I never have a DV take a swing at me. I always gave them the opportunity, none ever took me up on it. Don't know if I made a difference for them, I know it did for me.

  19. Those DVs probably took it out on their wives afterward, PA State Cop.

    Cowards never change.

  20. I have a friend who survived child abuse only to continue being in abusive relationships until several years ago when she made the break. It is mind-blowing to hear her talk about it, and I always hope for ANYONE who tries to make the break.

    In this case, I don't have high hopes…kudos to you for still being compassionate, even if that shred is on your non-existent armoire.

  21. Twenty years of domestic legal practice made my mantra "you can't save them from themselves.". Good on you for trying, though.

  22. I think that quitting abusive relationships is similar to any other addiction,Ike alcohol or drugs. To a normal person it makes no sense why a person would start drinking again after leaving treatment. Or why a wife or girlfriend would go back to an abuser. It often takes multiple attempts at "quitting" before it sticks. Hopefully they quit before dying.
    You did the right thing, LD. Letting her see him would be like giving a bottle of booze to an alcoholic because "he is an adult". He may get it anyway, but I do not have to enable him…

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