A trampoline?!

‘Allo! ‘Allo! ‘Allo!

To begin with, in what has become a familiar occurrence, inmate R was transferred out to the River from Central for housing and immediately announced that he would not be housed on West Tier.

Already knowing the answer, but being morbidly curious, we asked inmate R who he had a problem with out that way. His answer was the name of an inmate who was released from our custody some months back. Then he decided that he had problems with Crips, Bloods, Latin Kings and any other gangs he could remember. He then followed up by stating that his wife/girlfriend/spouse-like love-unit was due to have his sprog in the morning, or any day now, and he needed peace and quiet to “settle his mind”.


He went off to SHU, where he was somewhat disturbed when it was explained to him that SHU visits were on Friday. I then gently corrected the SHU officer and stated that was true only up until his case for Disobeying a Verbal Order went to LO/LOP time, and we let him contemplate his navel for a bit.

Couple of hours later we needed a SHU cell for a suicidal inmate, we asked inmate R if West Tier were looking so bad now – I guess they weren’t because he’s there now.

Inmate L got kited out of East/4 for unspecified problems, we put him into East/6. Two shakes of a puppies’ tail later and he’s at the bars stating that he has a free-world problem with inmate F. I asked inmate F what sort of problem he had with inmate L, and he apparently doesn’t know inmate L from Adam’s off ox. I’m guessing that inmate L will have problems with random inmates until he gets into a tank he likes. We slung him back into East/4 anyway.

It’s been suicide night at the County – we are considering moving all of our suicidal inmates into one contiguous section of SHU near the officer station, but didn’t get around to it.

Inmate B got run out of West/2. Allegedly West/2 thinks he snitched out their supply of nose candy. To prevent the whole “snitches get stitches” thing we moved him to East/6.

West/8 was reading 65 degrees F, so we bumped the thermostat up a bit.

River did water-checks at 0430 and shook down East/5. Trash and the usual extras found.

Intake reports nothing exciting.

Central/North did water-checks at 0100; Central/Tower did them at 0220 and also shook down North/5. Again, trash and the usual.

Inmate G has decided that his latest LO/LOP time will mean he’ll still be in SHU when he catches the chain — meaning that he’ll probably do his first year of TDC in Seg. After begging most piteously to be released from Durance Vile, and being refused (to be fair, I didn’t laugh in his face) he has decided to be a rampaging honyock. He’s been beating on the door, howling, yelling advice to other inmates, and proposing marriage and/or uninhibited trampoline sex to SGT Krunch ever since.

Which, to be honest, was a little creepy to listen to.

Anyhoo, that should be about it.

I remain,

Y’r ob’d’t servant,



9 thoughts on “A trampoline?!”

  1. On most things I hate to be ignorant but on the subject of the special language used in a corrections environment I feels no shame in my ignorance.


    LO/LOP time?

    Catches the chain?


  2. Are there guys you oversee who aren't a complete pain in your ass? Is it possible to get convicted and quietly serve out your jail term?

    I know you aren't supposed to be real friendly with prisioners but are there some who aren't total shitheads that might actually turn things around?

  3. By chance is there a link to all the acronyms used in your posts? Like BGMille, the hubster and I hate being ignorant about them.

  4. Add me to the list of confused by acronyms. Otherwise, Hooray! More shift reports!

  5. Wow….
    I really shouldn't post comments before I step in the shower and head to work in the morning.


  6. YAY! Lawdog is posting again! Hooray! I don't even mind not understanding all the jargon…I am just happy to see new material from LD.

  7. Man . . . I really do not miss my time "babysitting" the County's brilliant whingers.

  8. This all sounds so very familiar. Even the language. My husband was a Corrections Officer for 27 years, so reading this brings back many memories.

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