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Well … that’s awkward

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In addition to her other good points, Herself is a perfumista, and as a result, I have noticed that my cologne collection has substantially improved.

I have briefly found myself reassigned to shift; and when I was getting ready for work, I grabbed a random bottle and gave myself a brief spritz.

Later on — because I’m me — I wound up on top of a critter at the bottom of a pile of officers, and I am Doing Things That Hurt to the critter.

After he’s handcuffed, we “assist him in getting to his feet”, he looks at me through the tears and snot, a beautiful bruise blossoming at his jaw hinge where I have attempted to scratch the inside of his brain housing group with my thumb, and mumbles, “Damn, LT, you smell good.”

I look at him, eyebrow climbing a little, and one of my female officers on the far side of the critter gives a little shrug and says, “Yeah, LT, you kind of do.”

I’m afraid that my reputation as a screaming nightmare may have taken a nasty hit. It’s hard to terrify people when they’re sniffing appreciatively.

Sigh.

Wonder if there’s a cologne distilled from arson and massacres?

LawDog

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Meditations on monsters

30 thoughts on “Well … that’s awkward”

  1. I believe there's one that smells like Hoppe's No. 9. Just a thought, although I'm holding out for one made from cordite.

  4. Lol. You just need to tell them that when they are as good/successful as you are, they can smell as good. The sweet smell of success, don't you know.

    It falls under the category of "if you got it, flaunt it". After all, how many times do you folks have to manhandle folks that do not have a close or recent acquaintance with soap and water, as a result they are rather stinky? Or do not have a perfumista of their own? You are leading by example of what to do and how to smell good, as well as the benefits of smelling good! 🙂

  8. "Wonder if there's a cologne distilled from arson and massacres?"

    It's the signature fragrance in the Ke$ha collection.

  9. Keep the cologne, the dichotomy of attitude and odor will keep everyone on their best behavior.

  11. I don't use cologne, I smoke cigars.

    Seriously, though, I sympathize. I looked for years for a sad that a) didn't corrode my skin and b) didn't smell like a Parisian house of negotiable affection. I eventually struck Pears (original).

  12. yep – your street cred is definitely up the fritz.

    Scratch "The Lavender Cowboy and sing along to it with "The Lavender Lawman" instead… >};o)

    Phil B

  14. LEO friend of mine says he has one that smells like bacon and Bengay. Would that be better?

  16. Well this post was my intro to your blog. And quite a fine one to boot I might add. I shall see what I see I guess.
    MM

  17. JP-8 and MIL-L-5606. Add a touch of hydrazine or O2 for a teaser. Slather liberally but not around an open flame. Sanitizes open cuts as well.

  18. Great War Story! The most original I have heard. We all have a few but the hook here is new to me. Everybody lived, yay!

  19. Bwahahahahahahahahahhhaaaaaahaahahhaha….

    Told in the way that only Lawdog could tell.

    Seriously though, where's the book?

  20. Don't sweat it, LD. All you're doing by smelling good is causing confusion amongst your opponents.

  21. "Wonder if there's a cologne distilled from arson and massacres?"

    Is THAT why Axe body spray smells so very, very, bad?

  22. Ya wanna scare someone, wear a cologne distilled from tax audits and property assessments…

  23. At least you were not wearing Old Spice and trying to corral a female. The following Daddy issues might have been epic.

  25. You could always take horror to a whole new level . . . and simper at the commentators!

    Rather like the effect of finding out that cheerleader you've been admiring at a distance and preparing to hit on is a 6'8" 280-pound logger!

    THAT was the stuff of legend!

    –Webfoot Logger

  26. "Wonder if there's a cologne distilled from arson and massacres?"

    If there's not, there should be.

  27. I think you are looking for a cologne called, "Napalm in the Morning".

  28. Harley-Davidson offered a candle that purported to smell like chrome. It didn't.

    You could just wear Hoppe's No. 9 and/or WD-40 to work, saving the nice stuff for Herself.

    Or you could embrace the whole experience and wear a different one according to the day of the week. After a while, your "guests" would know which day by how you smell…..

    Then, again, you could use deer musk, but that would drive all the employees out the door, leaving you to deal with your "guests" alone….

    Yeah, best to simply embrace the whole experience.

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