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Mark Twain once said:

36 Comments

“I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

Robert Mugabe is dead.

Sod that quote for a game of soldiers.

Robert Mugabe,

You were a degenerate, fathered by a rabid cane-rat upon a syphilitic warthog; whose only genuine claim to fame is not having the common decency to catch a bullet with your face in 1975.

You took the gukurahundi, and you gave the rain blades, and hate, and fire, then you set it loose in Matebele-land. 80 000 Ndebele butchered, mostly unarmed civilians.

I hope the screams of the tortured, the wails of the dying, and the keening of the grieving families strips the flesh from your ears.

You whispered to that murderous bastard in Pyongyang, and gave him rapists, and murderers, and oath-breakers, and he sent back the Fifth Brigade, whom you set against your opponents, and journalists, and men of peace. How many thousands did the 5th drop down the mineshafts? How many were lucky to be dead before they hit bottom?

You cursed them to remain, mourned, but un-buried by their kin. I hope they drag your screaming soul into the bottomless dark.

You sent flame-throwers and guns to Chikurubi, and hours later one thousand, two hundred prisoners were slaughtered. For what?

I hope you spend eternity choking on oily smoke.

You took the bread-basket of Africa, and you starved its people — hundreds of thousands of them — for your own gain. Then you set bulldozers against the slums you created to “Move the rubbish”, grinding the shanties and the starving under the treads.

You were less than an animal, you leprous buffoon. Your clan should cut off their genitals for the shame of having borne you, you shadowless thug.

The only grave you deserve is a septic tank, and the only respect due your remains is to be dragged out of the feculent excreta by starving hyenas years in the future, to have your empty skull repeatedly sexually violated by diseased jackals.

Burn in hell, you miserable, oath-breaking, murderous, sack of offal. I hope the dead you created pound pineapples up your arse for the rest of time.

LawDog

About time.
An open letter to Representative Crenshaw

36 thoughts on “Mark Twain once said:”

  1. THAT was creative! And don't disagree at all. And you didn't even use four letter words, which is MUCH better than I would have done for that @#%%*@ ASSHOLE…

  2. Well said.

    Ain't no pit in hell small enough, dark enough, or hot enough for the likes of him. May Satan put him on a spit and slow roast him for some demon's lunch.

  7. I agree with CDH. it was a magnificent work of the written word for a creature who's soul should never have been loosed to darken the earth but it is impossible to truly curse him enough. but you Sir, have come close.

  8. The world has just become a tiny bit less evil… till he's replaced with another demon walking in human skin.

  9. No, no, no… Make sure they slather the pineapples with Resin Spurge sap…it'll hurt more.

  12. You and Peter I am sure have words to describe Robert Mugabe, I have seen people on the news channels defending his legacy and my retort was "How can you defend what he did, he turned the breadbasket of Africa into a net food receiver because of his corruption and theft by him and his henchman. Their response was "He proved that western ways were not african ways", and my response is "Western ways are feeding that country after Mugabe raped and pillaged that country for his own pleasure and amusement". I of course was called "Racist" so I figure that I was correct. Your soliloquy was exquisite btw

  13. Well-written, sir, my compliments and respects. Now, maybe if the gods smile, Rhodesia can go back to being the breadbasket of Africa in a few years.

  14. *This* is what every news outlet in the world should publish to mark the death of Mugabe, not the fawning encomiums so many have put forth. Well said, 'Dog.

  15. Having lived in Central Africa when I was young, you've been far too kind. Mugabe should have been skull-fucked with a barbed spear in the 70's. That country would have been much better off today.

  17. Said with your usual style, grace and charming manner, sir. I can only add that I hope that whatever pit in Hell that he's been dropped into is far worse than anything that a simple human, with even the tiniest grain of compassion in his own soul, is capable of imagining.

  20. Well there were several of his spiritual children on a stage a couple of nights ago right here in the USA. Evil still lives.

  23. Having a number of Rhodesian friends and fellow students in the 1970's, some of whom lost family and all their land/business holdings, may that POS rot in hell for eternity.

    As others have stated, the only pity is that this did not occur 44 years ago. Put him in an unmarked grave, piss on it then build a landfill on top.

  24. The Lefty idiots who, in the US, excused this piece of offal and sometimes lionized him should have this obit tattooed on their backsides, where they can see it every time they jam their heads up their colons.

  25. All I can say on the topic is to agree with NFO in saying that was very creative.

  26. They tossed the "White Devils" out only to be ruled by someone who could torture them as no "White Devil" could.

    The vestiges of civilization that the British Empire brought a gone now and Zimbabwe is a period of "Dark Ages" that will last for generations.

    Great work liberals.

  28. This was the first thing I read upon waking today, today is a good day, regardless of what happens as it goes on. May he spend eternity seeking peace and God's mercy.

  30. Having the pleasure to know a number of Rhodies, I'm sure they feel much the same, although they're not going to say it in public (much).

    Me, I about did a happy dance at 4 AM when this made my phone wake up.

  32. An eloquent and accurate obituary, sir. If reincarnation does exist, then I'm sure that the soul of Mugabe will see the next 10,000,000 reincarnations resulting in abortion by a broken glass bottle to prevent his reinfliction on the world.

  33. Those pineapples. I could dip them in pine sap and roll them in sand if that would help.

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