Today’s summation was the introduction of Eduardo, a character who caused me no end of grief — from all sides — during his short tenure at Bugscuffle County.
Good morning ladles and germs,
To start out our night at River properly, Inmate B decided to play possum after headcounts. He refused to stir for officer shouts and banging on the door, and when we went into SHU/23, he didn’t respond to shaking, tapping or sweet nothings bellowed into his ear. I was trying to decide if I could creatively articulate getting a response with a drive-stun when apparently his telepathy decided to kick in and he said Bad Things to us. Which is good enough evidence of being alive in my book.
River did water-checks at 0256; and shook-down East/3. We came up empty-handed, which considering that our inmates are not that well-behaved, makes me wonder what new hiding place they’re hiding their stuff in these days.
Central/North did their water-checks at 0106; and Central/Female at 0103. Central/Female also shook-down Female/9 and came up with several extra blankets. However, they also report that while the trusties were in the visitation area during the shake-down, two of them got into each other’s faces. Seems like all is not happy in Trustieland.
Tonight’s medal-winner in the D’oh! Contest is Inmate G in Intake. By all accounts the wee lass got nicked by PD for DWI, was delivered into our tender custody and wound up in Detox/2 for Grand Mopery and Contempt of Cop (misdemeanor). Once there, she proceeded to throw one bee-yoo-ti-ful wall-eyed, ring-tail temper tantrum. As uncle to several sprogs betwixt the ages of two and nine, I can recognize true artistry in fit throwing, and this was One Of A Kind.
She screamed, hollered, beat on the bench, spun in circles on the floor, kicked the door, all the usual, but what elevated this performance to High Art was when she took off her jeans and used them to beat the unoffending cell camera until the picture fuzzed.
The Intake crew, being the unappreciative Philistines that they are, took a dim view of this display and chained her drunk butt to the bench. One would have thought that this would have been the curtain call, but our Intrepid Damsel proceeded to take off her shirt and strangle her-own-self with it. Which got her stripped nekkid and placed on Suicide Watch as well as being chained to the bench. Goodness, I hope that was all worth it.
As I write this, we have some kind of kerfuffle in West/8.
Inmate M has decided to remove himself from West/8. According to Inmate M, Inmate J sent another inmate to Inmate M to inform Inmate M that Inmate J did not want him in “his” tank. Goodness. ‘T’Were I a betting man, I’d lay money that the inmate delivering the message is going to be Inmate T. I may have made a strategic error in moving those two from Central/North/6 a while back. Anyhoo, Inmate M has been moved to West/1, and when I get back to River tonight, I’m going to separate Inmates J and T; with a Separation Notation in both their records. And depending on my mood, I’m liable to see how far I can spread the inhabitants of West/8 around.
In other news, I have discovered that a field mouse has taken up residence in River Control Room. The kids have named it “Eduardo”. While intriguing, I have scotched the suggestion that Eduardo be sponsored through the Basic County Corrections Course; and as soon as I can snag his little butt, Eduardo will probably be taking a “vacation” by way of the Porcelain Express.
Hmm. That’s about it, I think.