A little military Christmas humour:



An official staff visit by LtGen Claus is expected at this base on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all personnel during the visit:

  1. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes Officers, Warrant Officers, Staff Non-commissioned Officers, Noncommissioned Officers, and mice. Marines may obtain special stirring permits for necessary tasks through the Battalion S-1 Office (See Company Office for PAR).
  2. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap no later than 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: pajamas: cotton, light-weight, general purpose, olive-green; and cap: battle-dress: utilities – Woodland pattern. Equipment will be drawn from supply prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember that this is the “season of giving.”
  3. Personnel will utilize standard T-ration sugarplums for visions to dance in their heads. Sugarplums are available in T-ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.
  4. T-ration sundry packs can be picked up at the Medina Dining Facility (MDFAC) from 0800-1800 24 Dec. The S-4 will coordinate the acquisition and distribution of the T-ration sugarplums and accompanying items.
  5. Stockings – wool, cushion sole, olive-green – will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. Platoon commanders will submit stocking handling plans to the S-3T, Training Chief, prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All Platoon commanders will ensure their subordinate personnel attend mandatory stocking-hanging safety classes and are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging by the Safety Officer. Stocking Safety will be taught 18 Dec at 1900 in the conference room of Bldg 321. Stocking Licenses will be issued at that time. Stockings will be issued out of the pebble shack on a first come first serve basis from 1400 – 1600 on 19 December.
  6. At first sound of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order, Operations Plan (OPLAN) 7-01 (North Pole Contingency), para 6-8-A9(3), dated 4 Mar, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter-tearing and sash-throwing. Platoon Commanders, Platoon Sergeants, and all Marines of the Guard will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in the barracks prior to the start of official clatter.
  7. Prior to 0001 hours, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned “wondering eyeball” stations. The Sergeant of the Guard will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.
  8. The Company Training Chief, in coordination with the U.S. Transportation Command (CinC-Trans) and Motor T, will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24A3 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by LtGen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator’s license with rooftop permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his Department of Navy Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout “On, Dancer! On, Prancer!” etc.
  9. LtGen Claus will initially enter Bldg 302 through the front entryway. All buildings without chimneys will requisition Chimney Simulator, M6A1, for use during the visit. Request chimney simulator on Department of Navy Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the Company Gunnery Sergeant prior to 20 December. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.
  10. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” or “Merry Christmas to All and to all a Good Night!” This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Senior Enlisted Marine.

For The Commander

Author Unknown.

Probably a little esoteric for my non-prior-service Gentle Readers, but I expect at least a bit of the humour will come through.

Happy Holidays!


Thank you

As a Gentle Reader commented, I have the best readership.

Nana had a good meal on Wednesday, with a good dessert — always her favourite part — talked with the staff and other residents, and watched a movie on the telly before going to bed.

Thursday morning, she couldn’t be woken up.

She was unresponsive for several days, allowing family to say their goodbyes, and then at 0955 hours on Monday 06DEC2010, Death came quietly and kindly and Nana simply … slipped away.

We will be laying her next to Granda in the family plot on Saturday.

Again, I thank you, and my family thanks you, for your kind words and thoughts.


Requiscat in pacem


1907 to 2010

She was born a doctors daughter in small town Texas, at a time when vehicular horse-power meant you had a horse attached to the front of your vehicle.

She was a school teacher, a librarian, and she sponsored the school newspaper, touching literally thousands of students lives — and outlived many of her students.

She is preceded by her husband, her son-in-law and all of her brothers and sisters; and she is survived by her daughter, two grandsons and a granddaughter.

Rest in peace, Gran. I love you.


The Cornered Cat

Over on the left you will find a link to The Cornered Cat, a web-site by, about, and for the lady shooter written by an absolutely wonderful lady named Kathy Jackson whom I was on Staff with over at The High Road.

Kathy has now come out with a new book — again, for the distaff side of the shooting world — named “The Cornered Cat – A Woman’s Guide To Concealed Carry“.

Gentle Readers, if you are a lady shooter or a lady thinking of becoming a shooter, I highly recommend this book.

If you are of knuckledragging side of the species, might I suggest that it would not be amiss to consider getting a copy (or copies) of this book for those of the Fair Sex amongst your kith and kin?

Christmas is, after all, just around the corner.


Meditations on a father’s duty

Anyone with internet access has no doubt heard of the latest act in Transportation Security Theatre.

A quick recap for those who have not: a gentleman who happened to have a digital recording device “opted out” of walking through the full-body scan (also referred to as the Porn-Scan, the Pervo-Scan, and the alliteratively correct RapeScan), and was informed that he would be the recipient of the new “comprehensive pat down”.

Having not received the time-honoured dinner and movie, nor even a kiss, the gentleman in question announced that if his wedding tackle got groped, he would have the groper arrested.

The local TSA operatives got their noses out of joint, with the end result that said dissenter got escorted from the aeroport with dire threats of an investigation and an $11,000 fine in his near future.

This has happily rebounded throughout BlogWorld with the result that a TSA spokes-critter has been caught on record making a very stupid statement:

“The (body image scanning) technology is sent to the airports without the ability to save, transmit or print the images,” said Greg Soule, TSA spokesman, in an interview with CBSNews.com. “At airports, the images are examined by a security officer in a remote location, and, once the image is cleared, they’re deleted.”

Oh, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

TSA employees are people. And people — like it or not — will find some way to Rule 34 the scanner images. Trust me, I deal with people every day.

It’s going to happen.

So, I predict that in about a year — two years at the outside — a different TSA spokes-critter will be on national TeeVee explaining that the assorted scanned images of females’ dishabille (Herself gleefully comes up with “PILFs!”, I leave the translation of that to others better versed with Seinfeld than myself, but apparently the first word is “Passengers”) is an isolated incident, that it can’t happen again and steps have been taken to fire the TSA employee responsible.


In light of this, if I were the father of teenage girls, there is no way this side of Hel that I’d take them anywhere near an aeroport with this kind of set-up … ever again.

In what rational world does it become okay for someone to tell you, “Hey, we’re going to take nekkid pictures of your precious daughters — but it’s okay! It’s done by an anonymous person, and it’s for your safety! And we won’t ever, ever keep those pictures! We promise!” …

… And people are fine with this. More than that, people are being told this is a Good Thing.

It’s a Good Thing for a stranger to take nude pictures of your little girl. More than that, It’s For Your Safety! The Government Says So!

*blink, blink*

Is it just me, or is there something fundamentally wrong with that whole mind-set?

Those wishing to make some kind of statement to the aerolines, may check out these links:

Opt Out Day

We Won’t Fly

Personally, unless some government entity is paying my way on government business, I’m going to do my level best not to ever go through an aeroport with this level of idiocy installed.

And I plan to send a hand-written letter to the major aerolines and the local aeroports stating just this, also.



By way of Herself, I find my self watching the BBC Masterpiece Mystery series, Sherlock.

It is a retelling of Sir Arthur’s classic detective, my very own favourite Sherlock Holmes, albeit from a very modern perspective.

Some folks are not going to like this Holmes, but just like the recent movie involving Robert Downey (jr) and Jude Law, I approve of this Sherlock Holmes. He is much more faithful — not completely so, but more so than other efforts — and this pleases me.

The stories are set in the modern era of computers, cell phones and such (nicotine patches!) with Dr Watson being a veteran of the recent on-going unpleasantness in Afghanistan and Iraq.

There are several tongue-in-cheek references to the original stories — the first episode is titled, “A Study in Pink”, and others abound.

The first three episodes are free for a short time on the above-linked web-page, with the last one ending in what is — for me — an absolutely infuriatingly nail-biting cliff-hanger.

It doesn’t cost you anything to watch the first three, and I think anyone who loves the old stories would be well-served by giving up a bit of time to watching these.

One word of advice to Dr Watson, though: If some critter has outfitted you with a Semtex weskit, and has the monumentally poor judgment to not only get within arm’s reach of you, but to allow you to get an arm around his throat … do go ahead, apply a rear naked choke, and just put him out of everyones misery.


Go forth, watch, enjoy!