Chicken and Ersatz Dumplings*

Ok, you’ll need:

Six chicken thighs
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 can of cream of chicken soup
1 white onion
3 stalks of celery
3 carrots
White wine
2 cloves minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon Ozark Seasoning (or poultry seasoning)
2 Knorr-Swiss Chicken In A Tub
1 7.5 oz tube of whomp biscuits**

Turf your chicken thighs off into a stockpot in enough water cover them by about an inch.  Simmer them until the meat falls off of the bone.  Pull them out and set them to the side.

Toss your Chicken In A Tub into the water, followed by the diced onion, and the minced garlic.  Cut your celery and carrot into acceptable lengths, and bung them in there, too.

Add about a third of a cup of the white wine (more or less.  More.)

Bring to simmer.

Take your whomp biscuits and cut them into quarters.  Fling them in there.  When they’re all in, give the mix a good stir.

Bring back to a simmer, then add your cans of soup.

Simmer about 15 – 20 minutes.  While it’s simmering, shred your chicken; then add the chicken after the simmer period.

Bring back to a simmer, then serve.

Voila!  Chicken and Ersatz Dumplings!


*”Ersatz Dumplings” because Herself holds opinions Most Firm about what makes a good dumpling.  It starts and ends with “Bisquick”.

**Whomp biscuits are those tubes of biscuits found in the dairy section.  You peel off the wrapper, and about halfway through the process the inside cardboard tube bursts with a “whomp” sound.

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15 thoughts on “Chicken and Ersatz Dumplings*”

  1. Whomp biscuits are those tubes of biscuits found in the dairy section. You peel off the wrapper, and about halfway through the process the inside cardboard tube bursts with a "whomp" sound.
    Or if you peel the wrapper off the tube and it doesn't burst open, you have to whomp them on the edge of the counter to open them.

  2. I'm partial to beef stew with 'Grand's' Biscuits baked on top. More than a bit tasty, and NEVER any leftovers.

  3. They're actually called whomp biscuits because decades ago the tube wouldn't pop open on its own, and the tube (with the cover peeled off) would be struck along the seam on the edge of a kitchen counter, thus the "whomp." The tube rarely opened on the first strike, so the whomp would be repeated as frustrated housewives hammered the tubes on the edge of the counter, until finally calling their husband to do it.

    The whomp can was succeeded by the "spoon can," in which the instructions were to peel the cover off the can, then press the edge of a spoon into the can seam, which would pop it open. Much easier than the whomp can.

    The final version is the current one, in which the can bursts open on its own as the cover is peeled off.

    As for where the name "Whomp Biscuit" came from, it was probably Jerry Clower who coined the term, although he called it "Whop" instead of "whomp." Southern journalist/humorist Lewis Grizzard picked up on Jerry's story and included it in one of his columns, renaming the biscuits "whomp biscuits." And whomp biscuits they have remained.

  4. Too fancy-schmancy. It’s peasant food; no need for all the extras.

    Basic C&D are simple and easy, just taking a bit of time and labor.

    For a pot using your same amount of chicken, I’d put the chicken (thighs, the best cut on the bird), a big three tablespoons of salt, about the same of lemon pepper into the pot. Boil, pull the meat out, and let cool as you said, before picking off the meat. Keep the broth warm, but nowhere near a simmer.

    While all that is happening, take a cup of flour, a teaspoon of salt, and a half teaspoon of baking powder, and whisk it all together. Add up to a teaspoon of lemon pepper if you like.

    Make a small crater in the middle, and drizzle in some ice water. Blend it with a fork. Keep repeating, until you have to work the dough by hand. If it’s sticky, sprinkle on a tiny bit of flour, and keep working it. Mash it flat, fold, repeat.

    Once the ball of dough is uniform, cut it into quarters, then work it flat by hand, then roll it down to about 1/8” thick.

    About this time, turn the heat up on the broth, and bring it to no more than a rapid simmer.

    Slice it into noodles 3/4” wide by an inch or so long. Add the dumplings to the simmering broth, stirring after each batch to avoid sticking.

    When all the dumplings are in, add the chicken. Let it return to no more than a barely-bubbling high simmer. Keep it there for 8-10 minutes and then turn the heat all the way down to keep-warm.

    Give it a few stirs and a few more minutes, ladle out, and enjoy.

    Baby Girl was suffering from a horrible cold over the weekend, and this was our cure.

  5. As a result of childhood exposure to Jerry Clower 8-tracks (kids, ask your parents–or by now, maybe grandparents), I still call 'em "whop biscuits".
    No offense intended, Ian, but I'd rather not eat any dumplings (or much else) containing Bisquick. I'll admit to using that stuff for making sausage balls, but nothing else.
    I'll eat whop biscuits, but see little reason to, biscuits being so simple to make. The only downside is the cleanup, sweeping the flour off the countertop into the trash. I can make, roll out, & cut (I use an old corned beef hash can, 'cause I like big-ass biscuits) biscuit dough in the time it takes for the oven to preheat, so it's a wash. Well, that & my supply of milk & bacon grease. I rarely use any other grease for biscuits, it being best: lard is my second choice, & who the hell would ever let themselves run out of lard?
    –Tennessee Budd

  6. I meant to add that this may actually be a good excuse for using whop biscuits–but then, my great-grandmother taught me to make dumplings, & they ain't hard either.

  7. We (read "Better Half", mostly) used to make dumplings using Bisquick.

    Then, a few years back, I hauled her to a Jewish deli because I *really* needed a good pastrami sandwich. She tried their chicken soup with matzo balls and decided they were better dumpling-like-objects than any she'd ever had.

    So now we keep a box of matzo meal in our pantry for Chicken and (sort-of) Dumplings. I've got to say that they're easier to make than the Bisquick variety. Now we need to do a side-by-side comparison with whop biscuits.

  8. "Herself holds opinions Most Firm about what makes a good dumpling. It starts and ends with "Bisquick"."
    Herself is right! Even superior scratch dumplings are NOT as good as Bisquick dumplings!

  9. My wife made followed your recipe last night and…just…WOW! This is so very, very good. Thanks a million for posting this recipe. We both loved it.

  10. My paternal grandmother would start with a whole hen, and make the dumplings with the rendered chicken fat. I've never had better, though I have to admit the frozen dumplings carried at the supermarkets hereabouts are pretty tasty. The brand of choice is "Mary B's" – their frozen biscuits have spoiled me as well.

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