You’re [deleted]ing welcome.

Yes, that is a picture of three kittens — actually, there were four — trapped out back of Rancho LawDog.

What may not be apparent, is that they are in a dumpster. A dumpster, I might add, that had enough raw garbage in it to be foul to the point of nausea, but not enough for the kittens to get their fuzzy little arses out.

Did you know that if you climb into a dumpster full of kittens, the little ingrates will turn into furry ping-pong balls?

And, if they’ve been in the dumpster long enough, when they’re ricocheting off the rotting trash, the walls of the dumpster — and your leg — they’ll splatter enough offal about your person to cause your dogs to back up and sneeze when you walk into the house?

Now you do. And knowing is half the battle.

Sprayed garbage juice all over my boots, my arms, my shirt — my favorite pair of linen slacks, damn it — and then high-tailed it into the bush without so much as a, “Thanks, mister!”

Ungrateful little hairballs.


Someone once informed me that cats were actually just as smart as dogs, if not more so.

Chris found one kitten in the dumpster yesterday. One. Today he finds four. Four.

They ain’t learning, folks. Hell, at this rate we’ll have the whole buggering kindle in there tomorrow.

Pfagh. I’m for the shower.


And things were never the same again
My Pppprecious -- they losts it! Losts it!!

28 thoughts on “You’re [deleted]ing welcome.”

  1. I like, and agree with, what Tam calls them–“self-propelled hairball generators”. And yes, I’m owned by one, my girlfriend by another. I know why mine’s mother abandoned her: she’s some sort of demon-spawn.

  2. LawDog, as an LEO, I’ve no doubt you’ve seen the cruelties inflicted on all kinds of animals – can you REALLY blame the kittens if the collective feline unconscious indicates that imitating ping pong balls is necessary for their survival?
    Know that I happen to believe that St. Francis of Assissi is keeping a special place for you ………………. 😉
    Semper Fi’

  3. Now that was so very kind of you to ruin your pants on their behalf. Hope they weren’t your $54million Judge-style pair.

  4. Cats are, in a manner of speaking, as bright as dogs. They learn certain types of problem-solving tasks and skills far more quickly than their canine brethren.

    Unfortunately, that means that in selected areas they are just as stupid if not actually stupider than dogs. The average dog, without human help, will never try any alternative to pressure from a lead on his neck other than to pull as hard as he can in the opposite direction (cats try all sorts of things, which is why they are so “invigorating” to harness-train).

    The average cat- especially a kitten, they don’t grow brains until they’re at least four months old- will never learn that something that looks like cover and shelter can actually a worse place to be than an area that is neither concealed nor sheltering.

  5. Are you going to sue their owner for ** million to replace your clothes? I think you should. Maybe you can get the screwball judge to hear your case. LOL

  6. Are you sure they’re getting in there by themselves? There are so-called humans who are capable of dumping kittens in dumpsters.

  7. Helping out some of God’s creatures gets you the 104″ HD TV in heaven. The fact that the little boogers were a bit ripe gets you the Laz-Z-Boy to go with it and cable with no commercials.

  8. Thanks, Lawdog. I hope they all stumble into the spay and neuter clinic and live long, happy, unproductive lives.

  9. Suggest you place a board into the dumpster so they can climb out under their own power. (if it happens again). Easier on the clothes. Might avoid getting tagged with the label “dumpster diver”!

  10. There is a special medal for men who rescue kittens. It is rarely worn – the Bronze Hairball gong itself is unsightly, and the ribbon is somewhat ammonia-scented – but winning it in the field is up there with catching the baby and providing cover-fire for your loved one while she reloads.

  11. Aw. LawDog! You earned major points with St. Francis, and kitty-loving women everywhere.

    The little innocence McNuggets might be ungrateful little wretches, but you — YOU are a Prince among men.

  12. Caretaking – whether humans or animals – just runs in your blood, doesn’t it? Thanks for going the extra mile.

  13. Aw…poor lil things! Some arse is trying to drown them in the dumpster of death. Thank YOU LD for rescuing them–even if they didn’t appreciate you, I do!

  14. You were kind and generous to get all mucky saving that little nest of scruffy kittens. Bless you.

  15. I joke about Cats only being good for target practice, BUT, that’s all it is a JOKE.
    I have known, and even owned, some sweet cats in my life.
    There’s no doubt in my mind that some worthless piece of supposedly human trash put those kitty babies in that dumpster.
    I already knew YOU were an exceptional man, LD. This is just more evidence of that.

  16. Dear Mr. LawDog,

    I have two small points to share with you.

    1) There are not ‘more cats’ than before. Cats simply use their alien powers to mimic reproduction by spontaneously cloning.

    2) Q: What has two legs and bleeds a lot? A: Half a cat.

  17. Hey, ‘Dog–

    Doesn’t [deleted] County have an ACO?

    Who’s paid to do that kinda stuff?

    What with all the people wanting to be ACOs because they’ve watched Animal Planet religeously to see “Puppy Cops”, or whatever the hell the shows are called, I’d think that there’s no shortage of people who’d climb into the dipsy dumpster on the clock to assist the fickle felines.

    Somewhere, there’s a mama cat who’s stashing ’em in there.

  18. We don’t have County-level Animal Control.

    We do have a city Animal Control Officer — she works part-time.

    I’d’ve called for the City ACO, but given the amount of rain, by the time Dispatch found her, she got motivated, kitted out and on the clock — the kittens would have been floating in three feet of water. Or not floating, if you get my drift.

    I think they’re getting in there out of curiosity, or because something smells good (gack) to eat.

  19. That’s a nasty, dirty job you just described and a lesser man probably wouldn’t be doing it. While I haven’t the least doubt of their ability to get themselves in a jam, I can’t help but wonder if the kittens aren’t getting a little bit of help from some two-legged critters?

    Thanks all the same for helping the little things.

  20. You’re a good man, LD.

    Now don’t you just want to take those fur balls in and tame them?

    If you don’t want to, I’d gladly take them in. I think I’ve become the crazy cat lady…

  21. I’m really surprised that cats aren’t extinct – especially since they are known for getting themselves into/onto places that they can’t get out of.

  22. LawDog, bless you for rescuing those furry little ballistic bouncers. I’m sure they weren’t trying to be ungrateful, but were probably terrified after being trapped in that nasty he**hole. They undoubtedly had “human” help getting in there, and needed the help of a REAL human getting out. Bless you for stepping up and rescuing them.

  23. LawDog, bless you for rescuing those furry little ballistic bouncers. I’m sure they weren’t trying to be ungrateful, but were probably terrified after being trapped in that nasty he**hole. They undoubtedly had “human” help getting in there, and needed the help of a REAL human getting out. Bless you for stepping up and rescuing them.

  24. I have six cats and 2 dogs. All but one of the cats are rescues from abandonment, shelters, or horrible living conditions. I would have done the same thing.

  25. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” — Robert Heinlein

    Ya done good, LD. Small price to pay for good mojo.

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