Good morning, class.
Today’s lesson is about a wee bit of social engineering that should be a part of your glove box in your vehicle, or your bug-out bag.
It is: the Media Pass.
Easily found by simply inserting the search term “media pass template” into any search engine, a Media Pass (or Press Pass) is an inexpensive, low-bulk item that can — note the use of the word “can” — get you out of medium- to large-scale “social unrest situations”.
This little darling has been used as far back as the 1970s to smooth the way through more than one coup d’etat.
Your template needs to have the following:
1) MEDIA and/or PRESS in big block letters;
2) About a quarter of the surface in a contrasting, eye-buzzing “LOOK AT ME” colour;
3) Your picture; and
4) The word “FREELANCE”.
We use the “Media” and/or “Press” for obvious reasons; the contrasting colour, less so.
In the situations where we will need this — demonstrations, random mobs, demonstrations disguised as random mobs, etc., the emotions of the people you will be encountering will be running a skoshy bit on the high-side. Adrenaline, endorphins, teenage hormones, all will be rampaging about, and will be having various effects upon the visual acuity of the participants.
When the pimply-faced, patchouli-reeking, little antifa hippie has tunnel-vision from the excitement, the bright colour will help to draw his eye to the pass — where he will be able to actually read the word “Press” or “Media”.
Your picture is there to give the pass the appearance of propriety.
No matter how tempting, don’t put the name of a big Media Corporation on your Press Pass. If there are representatives from a big corporation there, you can get snitched out in a hurry; big media corporations can get (civilly) irritated with you pretending to represent “their good name” (har, har, har); and last, but probably most importantly — some demonstrators in these Current Unpleasant Times consider Big Media Corporations to be part of the [Insert Catchy Noun Here] That They’re Fighting Against, thus drawing unwanted attention. Use “Freelance” instead.
The utilisation is quite simple.
You find yourself staggering out of a watering hole, having enjoyed a fine evening of companionship to the point that you missed the warning signs of an imminent Mass Social Disruption, and you find that not only have the protesters spun themselves up into a Righteous Passion, but the local gardai have put up barriers and blockades to the point that climbing into your pickup and taking the crunchy way out is contra-indicated.
Reach into your glove box, grab your Media Pass, a notebook, and a writing instrument; stare purposefully at the crowd/mob/ demonstration/ riot, and move along the periphery of the crowd/ mob/ demonstration/ riot, pretending to take notes, and waving your Media Pass at anyone who takes notice of you.
As soon as you get to a point where you can duck, disengage, and Beat Feet Away From The Stupid, do so. If there’s a barricade in front of your Newest Favourite Alley, waving your Media Pass at the cops manning said barricade will frequently get you past it.
Now, remember two things: 1) Don’t put your name on your Media Pass. There’s a good chance it will fall off — or get ripped off — and now the demonstrators and/or local police have a record of your presence at the riot. That’s a good way to invite a sub poena.
2) I said to grab a notebook and a writing instrument for a good reason. Several folks will opine that you should be waving your cell-phone about to properly blend in with freelance media. Don’t do this. If you lose your cell-phone, there’s too much personal data on there for comfort. Also, taking pictures of folks out for some freelance socialism gets their attention — which is exactly what we don’t want.
Pretend that you are Carl Kolchak. Scribble furiously, and cut and run at the first opportunity.
Thus endeth today’s lesson.