Any long-term reader of The LawDog Files knows that Terry Pratchett is one of my favourite authors.
To my absolute shock, Mr. Pratchett has been diagnosed with a rare-form of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease.
The man is only 59 — and he’s got Alzheimer’s.
I think karma owes me an explanation for this bushwa.
LawDog
Gentle Reader Mike, seeing as how I liked the guitar work of Mr. Andy McKee, e-mailed me a link to another guitarist, a Mr. Antoine Dufour.
Goodness.
For your Saturday afternoon enjoyment — Mr. Dufour on the old wood and wire, playing his song “Inspirations”.
Enjoy!
LawDog
By way of Mr. Christian over at the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System, we discover that the next installment in the Chronicles of Narnia is due out May 16.
The trailer for Prince Caspian. Enjoy!
LawDog
By way of SiteMetre, I discover that I have apparently been discovered by a forum run by the CopWatch folks.
I’ve never had any dealings with CopWatch — but I have to admit that I find the idea somewhat interesting. Being filmed by a allegedly neutral third party (more on that in a bit) during arrests seems to me to be somewhat of a godsend.
DWI? Subpoena your CopWatch guy as a witness, and let the jury view your suspect doing the Standardized Field Sobriety Exercises from the second viewpoint of his video.
Resisting arrest charges? Evading? Most of the damned time the resisting and evading takes place out of view of the cruiser dash-cam. With your very own camera dude, this isn’t going to happen again. Your arrestee takes a swing, or develops rabbit blood — that video is going to ensure that his lawyer doesn’t get to baffle the DA into a plea-bargain with ‘he-said, she-said’ arguments. Dude, we’ve got video!
When a citizen files suit claiming that you were racially intolerant; scared her puppy; tracked mud in the house; failed to say “Good Morning” or any of the hundreds of bushwa civil complaints — depose the CopWatch person.
Not to mention the fact that his video would be invaluable in a counter-suit for slander, harassment or perjury.
Happy Days!
Of course, all of the above is predicated on the assumption that the CopWatch folks truly are neutral third-party observers.
One of their Forum Staff is of the opinion that I — how did it go?
“He doesn’t give a **** about Maxima’s safety or Constitutional rights.”
“To my mind, this *** is a piece of ****.”
*blink, blink*
I’m asterisks?
Not mention I’m apparently also: “deranged”, “schizophrenic”, and “unlikely” to “actually be a thoughtful, decent person”.
Goodness. And him not even knowing me.
*sigh*
Ah, well. One more bunch of folks on the List Of People What Hate My Guts, But Couldn’t Pick Me Out Of A Line-Up.
On to more pleasant things.
LawDog
By way of Richard Steven’s article in SWAT Magazine, we have been enlightened as to the existence of these critters.
Ye tapdancing gods. Any Gentle Readers who may have blood sugar disorders may not want to click upon that link.
I’ve seldom seen so much fluffy pink cotton-candy-land bunny-dreams in one place.
Do further note that the weight of the environmentally-safe Love Beads adorning the neck of Congresscritter Dennis Kucinich have apparently choked off the blood supply to his last remaining functional neurons — because he hauled off and sponsored HR 808 in the US House of Representatives calling for the formation of a cabinet-level “Department of Peace and Non-Violence” on behalf of these nit-wits.
Again.
I’m not sure what excuse would explain the other 67 cosponsors — although I do note that all 68 are Democrats. Too many hits off the bong would be my guess, although constant repetition of the chorus to “Kum-Ba-Yah” has been suspected to cause cerebral tissue to ooze out of the ears and hide whimpering in dark corners.
I am happy to report that HR 808 is currently languishing in committee — unloved and ignored — and is probably not going anywhere anytime soon.
Which is a Damned Good Thing.
However, I also note that — if unchallenged — this kind of sappy, ivory-tower, saccharine bushwa has a nasty habit of being resurrected time and again. As, indeed, this one has in the 107th, 108th, and 109th Congresses — in addition to the current Session.
*sigh*
If my Gentle Readers would be so kind, would y’all mind spreading the news about this bushwa; keeping a weather eye out for further incarnations; and — just maybe — dropping a snail-mail letter to your Congresscritter expressing your concerns?
Appreciate it.
LawDog
Chris and I went to see the new ‘Beowulf’ movie this weekend.
I have to admit that I actually enjoyed it.
I didn’t realize that it was in 3-D, but I am happy to report that the red-and-blue glasses are no longer being used. The new ones look a great deal like the old US Army “birth control” glasses, and have clear lenses.
If you go see this movie, though, be forewarned: don’t put on the glasses during the previews. Matter-of-fact, don’t put them on at all until the screen tells you to.
I wore them for about 5 seconds during a 2-D preview, and the resulting strobe effect almost did me in right there.
‘Beowulf’ got a little over-happy with the 3-D effects — you can only have things poking off the screen at your eyes a certain number of times before you want to shriek, “I get it already!”, but the 3-D did add to the experience.
I got caught up in the story, and the CG effects became unnoticeable to me fairly quickly.
There were some liberties taken with the story, but I was able to overlook them — which is a nice testament to how immersed I became.
Grendel and his mother do some conversing in Anglo-Saxon, but if you’re paying attention, the conversations are quite understandable.
All-in-all, I’ll give this one the Paw of Approval — and I’ll probably be getting the DVD when it comes out.
LawDog
Dear Madam,
I am the gentleman who was in the line when you cut in with your horde of spawn and the two buggies containing $203.56 of various iterations of processed sugars.
Since I was, in fact, Off Work, Out-Of-Uniform and in my Happy Place, I really didn’t mind that you not only hip-checked me out of the way, but did so in the clearly-marked Express Lane 10 Items Or Less Cash Only Please queue.
And when you proceeded to harangue and browbeat the teenager working the register to the point of tears, well, I figure everyone has to learn how to deal with jackasses sooner or later, and this was pretty much a Life Lesson.
Besides, I was in my Happy Place, with my bottle of MetroMint water and my tomato … which is why I can’t understand why — when you were done with the coupons and the writing of the cheque — you chose to turn to me and hiss, “What the [deleted] are YOU looking at?”
*scratch, scratch*
In my defence you must admit that you did ask.
Bet you won’t do that again.
Love,
LawDog
I’d like y’all to meet Joe Critter. Don’t mind the vacant look in his eyes — we’re not sure if that’s normal, or a result of his … ahem … arrest.
A couple of days ago, Joe here (being, well, a critter) decided to improve his financial lot in life by relieving a local construction contractor of a … thingummy. It was a very nice thingummy, as thingummies go, with 18 volt batteries and whole bunch of attachable wozzits and even a couple of doohickies.
Joe attempted to resell his acquired thingummy, but — unfortunately — the previous (rightful) owner had etched his name and the name of his company rather flamboyantly upon the side of the thingummy. All of the local item redistributing/financial centres thereabouts know the gentleman whose name was so clearly attached to the afore-mentioned thingummy, and none of them were dumb enough to glom onto the thingummy.
Finally, pushed to the brink of desperation, Joe was cruising the main street and noticed an extremely large diesel pick-up truck with a familiar name emblazoned on the side parked at a local fast-food eatery. The same name, as a matter-of-fact, as the one etched into the side of the thingummy.
Joe ponders for a while and comes up with a plan so cunning, so brilliant, so Machiavellian, as to defy description by lesser minds.
In furtherance of this fiendishly clever plot, Joe parked his 1980-something Subaru Justy punkmobile beside the diesel truck, then leaned upon the horn until such time as he attracted the attention of the construction crew inside.
Once he had their attention, he drew them outside by the wicked tactic of waving frantically from the inside of the Justy. One should point out at this time that Young Joe was smart enough to keep the car in ‘REVERSE’ in case Murphy should frown upon his crafty machinations.
Foot pressed firmly upon the clutch, Joe waved the thingummy at the construction crew and announced that said thingummy had fallen from the truck some streets back, and for the paltry sum of one hundred dollars American, he’d relinquish possession.
Cunning, wot?
The Head Sasquatch of the construction crew contemplated this generous offer for a moment, then delicately opined that it would be difficult for the thingummy to have just fallen off the truck, considering that it had been stolen from a construction site two days previous.
Joe, no fool he, immediately realized that the game was twigged, and being the debonair gangsta, he made sure to give the gorilla pack a good look at his extended social digit before popping his foot off the clutch.
I would imagine the sounds of the local police dispatch number being dialled into a cell-phone right outside of the drivers side door probably clued him into the fact that Things Weren’t Quite Right.
Or maybe it was the gold-toothed grin belonging to the shaved yeti holding the front end of the Justy (and coincidentally enough, the rapidly-spinning front tyres) up off of the parking lot.
Whichever.
Now, a lesser man would have simply folded like a paper hat. Maybe even grovelled a bit, to appeal to the soft, gentle side of the WWE rejects surrounding his ride.
Not our Joe, though. Nope. Our Joe is tough man, street tough. He don’t take no [deleted] from citizens. No, sir! Our Joe quickly demonstrated that the proper way to treat such disrespect is to roll up both windows, engage both door-locks and make gang signs and obscene gestures at the foolish wage-slaves, while simultaneously shrieking threats towards those responsible for such outrageous conduct!
Of course, as anyone knows, being threatened with Gang Violence should be responded to by retreating and abject apologies.
Only complete and total savages would don a full-face helmet, fire up a Husqvarna hydraulic saw and commence to convertible-ize the Subaru — free of charge. An act which was apparently met with lusty cheers and shouted recommendations — some of which were Not Politically Correct — from the rest of the cafe patrons.
*scratch, scratch*
Ripping both doors off — by hand — was a nice touch, I think.
Anyhoo, responding officers report that Joe was found sitting very still in the drivers seat, and detectives announced that they cleared seven burglary cases before they could get him to stop confessing.
*gigglesnort*
LawDog
Take:
4 cinnamon sticks
1 teaspoon of cardamom seeds
10 cloves
1 large piece of ginger
1 half lemon
2 cups vodka
Break your cinnamon sticks and crack your cardamom seeds; toss ’em into a jug. Give the piece of ginger root a good couple of whacks, zest the lemon half and pop ’em both into the jug; take the rest of the spices and throw them in there, too. Pour in the vodka, cover and leave overnight.
The next day, take:
1 bottle of red wine
1/2 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
Mix the wine, sugar and vanilla in a saucepan.
Strain the vodka, and discard the spices. Add the spiced vodka to the saucepan and heat just until it begins to steam — any warmer and you’ll start evaporating your alcohol.
Voila! LawDog’s Bathtub Glögg!
(You may want to add sugar to taste.)
LawDog